First time post
This is my first post on here. I have read many post and always see you or our situation in them. It’s a roller coaster for sure. How did we end up here? Where are we going from here? And how do we get to where we want to be. You were my everything, my lover, my best friend and my safe place….. or so I thought? I never really understood or understand your thinking process? It is very very delusional at times, which actually explains a lot of things to me. You lost me somewhere over the past 16-17 years and it was very very easy to keep me. All i wanted from you was the truth and for you to choose me instead of this place. You have said it many many times…. Everything can be fixed if 2 people want it bad enough….. and I agree with you but I needed to hear the truth from your lips. The lips that I absolutely loved kissing, the smile from you that could literally change a bad day to a good one. All I wanted was the truth from you for just once and everything could have changed . It is what it is though, I guess I wasn’t worth it to you. I have accepted that and I honestly know now that, the truth, isn’t really your best quality. I don’t know if you will ever see this but if you do. I just wanted you to know…… This isn’t easy for me despite what I show on the outside. You were my everything, I think about you every single day and letting go of you is the single most painful thing I have ever done. Our boys deserve better than they have received from us. The fighting affects them far more than we realize. I do love you and I don’t think I will ever be able to say I don’t love you even through everything. You were my world. Open and honest is literally all I ever wanted but when I saw how little lying to me affected you something inside me changed and it made me into someone I’m not proud of. Healing takes time and effort. I hate that I’m not on this path anymore with you. I wanted us forever. But I can’t do that while you just lie to me m, yourself and everyone around us. It really bothers me too to see how little it affects you with what this has done and is doing to our boys. I love you M.