To those of us graduating and carrying grief…
I just wanted to start of by saying congratulations to all of the folks who are graduating. After three years of hard work, we have finally made it. No more homework, no more classes, and no more final exams (with the exception of the bar exam, of course!).
For many of us (including myself), we have become the first lawyers in our generations. It is an honor and a privilege to be in such a position — somewhere my parents never would have imagined being in.
I must admit I am feeling a mix of proudness and sadness. I lost my best friend (we met in law school) just this March. We did literally everything together, from random phone calls late at night, to walking to her apartment from the law school to hang out, to studying together, to going to Mexico for a trip. I loved her so much — more than any friend I’ve ever had the privilege of having. Leaving law school behind makes me feel like I am leaving a piece of her behind. At the same time, I am feeling more motivated to pass the bar exam because I feel like I am taking this exam for the both of us…
When I found out that she passed, her parents asked me to call the dean of our school to inform him. The dean gave me his personal cellphone number, and told me to call him. I did, and he asked me if there was any way the school could honor my friend. I told him I believed a posthumous degree would be the best thing because of how hard my friend was working to be able to walk for graduation. I know she would be grinning ear to ear if she could see she’s finally earned what she’d been working so hard to get after all these years. She’d say something like, “I told you guys I was going to make it!”
I think that grief, especially in a time where we are supposed to be robotic in our study habits for the bar exam, is a reminder of our morality. It’s a reminder to live life to the fullest and appreciate the things we have while we are here.
Here’s to those of us carrying loss through this exciting and nerve wracking time. Our grief will not inhibit us, but it will enable us. We will pass the bar exam and we will achieve our goals. We will heal, and we will carry on for those we have lost.