Hello all,
Location: Texas
My boyfriend and I have been talking about getting married. I proposed a prenup early because I believe it promotes a healthy marriage. Our relationship is really great day to day and I very much love him. The problem is that we are in very different financial situations. The terms he is suggesting seem so lopsided that I'm not sure it's worth the very large expense on my part to hire an attorney (his mother is an attorney.) for reference, I make 50k, I have a small retirement and a condo on the lake with decent equity. My car is also paid off and I don't carry any debt. The marriage would require me to move to live in his condo in the city. It's a less desirable area and a poorly managed condo complex. Further he knows he may need to move back home to support his families business in the future but he has no idea when or what the details are and wants to leave that as something well figure out when it happens. My quality of life would be significantly lower and I would be expected to make the sacrifices since he doesn't have the choice to move. Since I work from home, I can move, however my quality of life is greatly affected by where I live since I rarely leave home. Below are the terms he is suggesting in his own words.
The Prenuptial Framework He wants a "separate property" approach for the agreement: Pre-marital Assets: Anything either of us owned before the wedding stays ours alone. Which is obviously fair.
Marital Acquisitions: Anything earned or inherited during the marriage remains the property of the person who got it.
Joint Ventures: We can both choose to mix funds for specific projects—like a new house—which would be handled by specific titles or separate paperwork.
Reciprocity: He wants the protections to be identical for both of us. There should be no lopsided rules; if his career and inheritance are protected, he wants mine to be exactly as secure. Which is probably pretty irrelevant to me given the disparity.
Practical Execution He wants to keep separate accounts for personal spending. He isn't looking for access to my private accounts and doesn't expect me to need his. Instead, he wants to fund a joint account for shared living costs like groceries and utilities. When it runs low, we both chip in to keep things covered.
His Financial Position He earns a high six-figure salary. His overhead is very low; he has a minimal monthly mortgage, owns his car, has no debt, and maintains a credit score over 800. I have a similar credit score, and I also don't carry any debt. I knew he lived a pretty modest lifestyle, but I had no idea of the rest.
He is a multimillionaire with significant personal and retirement investments. His total income fluctuates but can be quite high depending on investment performance.
He lives a very modest lifestyle compared to his means. His goal is early retirement and financial independence—which he has likely already achieved—though he chooses to keep working for now. He is also the sole heir to a long-standing family estate and business valued at significantly more than his current net worth, and he is currently moving into an ownership role there.
My Home and Autonomy He has no interest in making a claim on it. He thinks selling it would be a smart financial move; he realizes that equity represents my personal security. He supports whatever I decide to do with it.
Living Together He wants to avoid any dynamic where I feel like I'm "paying rent" to a partner. His idea is that we both share the basic "cost of living" expenses—utilities, taxes, and insurance—while he continues to pay the mortgage and interest himself since that is where the equity builds.
He is open to finding a new place together if that’s what makes us both feel at home. However, as a middle ground, he’s willing to add my name to the title of his current home or specifically exclude it from the prenup. He wants me to have the legal and emotional security of true ownership so the space belongs to both of us.