Shame
So today was meant to be a good day, someone who I know and have worked for had brought work a few weeks ago promised to pay this week. To be fair he's even brought one client who ended being a good friend so even when he's difficult to deal with and varnishes when its time to pay only to show up after months when he needs my service again. I try to accommodate him. But today was different, had been waiting for the money since yesterday. I knew it would pay up fuliza, buy tokens and some supply to feed my kid and I for the week as I do what I do, try to keep us afloat. But I call, no response, text no response, I finally face him and tell him to never come to me for services again as this isn’t the first time he's doing this and delete his number. What hurts me though is I had to punish my child to go to bed without eating, because I need the little thats left to be what he take for school tomorrow. Schools have resume, he can't go empty to school. The fact that I had to punish my own child because someone let me down while I had rightly earned it has me feeling so much pain in my soul.
There's a special place in hell for people to take hard earned money and leave others to suffer. And still society will paint a single mother as wanting to do it all by themselves, as proud, as arrogant.
Standing at the balcony and realising the only reason I haven’t left this fu##$ng world is because I don't have it in me to leave that boy alone or take his life.
I am out of fight.