Feeling completely hopeless after graduating and job hunting - has anyone else been here?
tw: suicide
Hi everyone. I’m a 21-year-old woman from London, and I honestly just need some advice or perspective from people who might understand this feeling.
From the outside, my life probably looks great. I went to a strong school academically, I have loving parents who have been together for 27 years, an amazing boyfriend of 8 years, a safe home, and I graduated from my undergraduate degree with a First. I’m currently finishing my Master’s degree as well.
But despite all of that, I’ve struggled with depression and anger issues since I was around 8 years old. I was bullied quite badly growing up, and in 2018 my dad had a stroke and nearly died. Thankfully he survived, but it was incredibly traumatic for my whole family.
I’ve been in and out of therapy since primary school, and I’ve been on sertraline since I was 18, which genuinely has helped. I also try really hard to look after myself - I go to the gym, run outside, spend time with friends and family, take breaks from social media, read, work on my business, and generally try to stay productive and healthy.
The thing that’s really broken me recently is graduate job hunting. I’m finishing my Master’s this year and have spent the last year applying constantly. I made it to around five assessment centres and countless final or penultimate stages, but I still haven’t secured anything for September.
My biggest fear was graduating without a job, and now it feels like that’s becoming reality. I feel like I work incredibly hard and get nowhere. I genuinely love working, I loved my degrees, I enjoyed my internships, and I feel ready to start my career, but rejection after rejection has made me feel like I’m just not good enough.
Lately it’s got so bad that I’ve been having thoughts about not wanting to be here anymore. I feel exhausted, hopeless, and like all the effort I’ve put into my life amounts to nothing.
I guess I’m posting because I want to know if anyone else has felt like this after university/job hunting, and whether things eventually got better. This is a last resort, because I’m burning all my bridges with the assumption that next year I won’t be here. Right now I genuinely can’t see a way forward.