The conclusion I reached between determinism and existentialism
From everything I've seen, the arguments in favor of determinism are strong. I've also looked at some arguments for free will, but they don't seem nearly as compelling in comparison. Given that, this entire causal process has led me to conclude that this ontological logic is practically powerless. I was determined to read Sartre, Dostoevsky and Camus, and consequently I was determined to develop greater sympathy for the phenomenal world. Because of that, I can exist with this core way of thinking. Since I was led to become who I am, I can still assume complete responsibility for my choices. it's an authentic mode of being.
I couldn't help but find this narrative of human responsibility aesthetically superior. And from that point onward, I can push my future toward what is, in any case, the only possible reality. Intellectually, I anticipate that this reality consists in a commitment to responsibility. Was that commitment itself already determined? One could certainly say so. Either way, that reality only came to fruition through this entire process of reflection and accumulated experience.
So if we're going to live, it's better to embrace the role we have—or at least the one we believe to be ours. To live authentically. For me, existentialism is phenomenologically true. The fact that I live it today is the only reality available to me. I was determined to arrive here.
And even if I can't say that I am condemned to be free, I can say that I am condemned to move forward into this single, unknown future and experience that freedom without ever having the script in my hands.