u/DJ_Aftershock

Shota Umino wins in a classic "crowd starts by going who the fuck is this guy and ends thinking WHOA THIS GUY'S THE BEST" performance

Kenny wins and I don't get shit to cling onto after Mexico inevitably knock us out of the World Cup in the round of 16

OH GOD IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN.

dun... dun dun... dun... dun dun...~

B Block is seemingly the obligatory "when everybody beats everybody, who really wins" block. There isn't anyone with a record above 6 points, so to call this block would be near impossible. Thankfully, I have never ever been wrong ever if you ignore how I'm wrong nearly all the time, so let's break it down!

TOP PROSPECTS:

El Desperado (6) - The Legitimately Sexiest Masked Wrestler Alive

Despy did us all a favour and kicked SHO's ass. That puts him on 6 points and a crucial tiebreak win over the block's resident gremlin fucker. Desperado is always a contender to make the final, but with this year's system reverting back to one single non-block match, number one vs number one, making it there will be trickier than ever.

SHO (6) - Aforementioned Gremlin Fucker

Two of SHO's five matches so far have been decided by DQ fuckery. And amazingly, both of them were actually really entertaining. See what happens when House of Torture bullshit is just kept to the people actually wrestling? Anyway, SHO in my opinion is also a top contender for the final.

YOH (6) - The BL Is Strong With This One

Stupid sexy YOH. Honestly, after losing the final last year against Fujita, I was afraid he'd be donezo. But it seems his new gimmick of sending gay losers like me absolutely fucking wild is only a comedy edge to his solid wrestling, not a complete change. He feels like a strong potential winner.

DELUSION:

Robbie Eagles (4) - The Robbie Stocks Will Never Be Sold

After a win over YOH tonight, I genuinely feel like he's still in with a shot. Please, lord. One year has got to be our year.

OUTSIDE SHOT:

Taiji Ishimori (6) - I'd Make A Joke About Being Attracted To Him, But I've Already Done That For Two Other Wrestlers Already

Ishimori is always a contender, but it feels like this year is yet another year where his role is just that. To be in contention. To be a threatening number on the block chart while the actual likely winners rise above him.

THE GUEST BOYS

HYO (4) - English Comms Worst Nightmare During HYO vs YOH

I apologize, HYO, I was not familiar with your game. He's combined both comedy and genuinely great wrestling into a captivating style that I've enjoyed thus far in the tournament. Does his leopard have a name? Can we have a GoFundMe towards HYO's leopard getting married to Hiromu Takahashi's cat Daryl?

Daisuke Sasaki (6) - One Snub Away From Being the Next House Of Torture Member

Alright, look... I think Sasaki is pretty fun. But his hardcore tendencies have kind of been fucked in the eyes of the audience from the offset by the fact JUN FUCKING KASAI is in the tournament. It's an unfortunate way to be undercut.

NO CHANCE, LAD

KUSHIDA (2) - Bloke Just Doing Side Quests

I kind of assumed after KUSHIDA turned heel in MLW we'd see a new heel side of him in BOSJ. I was wrong. He's kinda just there. It really does feel like watching someone winding down their career and it's sad in a way, even though he's still fun to watch.

Yoshinobu Kanemaru (4) - Unc Still Got It

Like SHO, I genuinely enjoy the HoT guys antics when it's self-contained instead of involving run-ins out the ass. And Kanemaru has been massively entertaining this tournament. Unfortunately, he is in the position of just being a body to fill out a block at this point.

A GUY THAT DEFINITELY ENTERED BOSJ

Jakob Austin Young (4) - My Jaw Was Literally On The Floor Finding Out This Young Lion Ass Guy Has Been Wrestling For Fifteen Years What The Fuck

Yeah, I'm just not biting on the JAY train right now. I genuinely struggle to, like, maintain the suspension of disbelief that he isn't a Young Lion on the level of a Daiki Nagai or something. He's there. He exists to be there. That is all.