I feel boxed in, and I have a sudden urge to change that.
Hi,
I want to quickly give a bit of background, I'm 23M and I have found myself in a bit of a 8-year-long rut. I left school in 2019 and haven't had a clear direction since. I feel like I do now, I went to college and studied music and now I'm, many years later and after struggling with work for years and again not having any direction, going to University, starting in September to study music. I would one day like to be a university lecturer, I have two jobs in my hometown so I have prior commitments and if I let them down I'm unemployed and risk going into financial hardship, but I have this urge. And it's so strong, and I'm a very impulsive person and I believe that these are my years to experience the world, and I haven't left my country in almost 11 years. I went on a walk tonight and I remember thinking to myself that this place feels like the Truman show. I can't leave. I'm not allowed, that's how it feels.
So many of my friends are going traveling and experiencing the world and meeting their partners, not that a romantic relationship or even a relationship of any sort is necessarily what I'm interested in at the moment, it would be nice and I do think I'm ready for one, but right now I'm focused on myself mostly.
I know not to compare myself with others, but I can't help but realize next year I will officially be in my mid-twenties and it needs to change, I need to see the world god damn it.
So here is my quandary, I think I have the means to go traveling solo, I don't know where, and I don't actually care where, I just spent the majority of this walk telling myself " just go! Just go!"
Honestly I really want to see some mountains, stay in hostels, b&bs, I make music, I'd love to share my tracks, I recently got promo cards made, I plan to go to my local dive bar every week to try and network, but as I'm saying I'm realizing I'm boxed in.
I was thinking of asking an AI for help but honestly they're just trained to tell you what you want to hear. I want to hear what actual people think, people who have experiences with this.
I feel so lost, I feel like I don't know where my life is going even though I meant to be going to University this year. I had an overwhelming urge to join the Army off the cuff earlier today. Things are rough. My family isn't the best at leveling and comforting so I usually leave them out of things like this and try to make sense of things on my own, it's definitely brought me quite a bit of emotional depth over the years, which I'm grateful for.
I'm not unhappy with where I live, I've just been here way too long.
I'm trying to think if there's anything else I should say before I post this but I think I've hit everything. I don't know how long I would be gone for if I were to go but a big thing that's worrying me is money, and the status of my jobs that I would leave. Both of these jobs are quite recently employed, the last year.
So yeah, this is my situation. Hope anyone who reads this is having a lovely day, my day's been pretty good on the whole tbh, just having a moment.
Cheers!