I started with plain Kratom. I was on probation and one day stumbled into a kratom shop and the old guy sold me lol. This was 6 years ago. Used that for about a year and moved on to the strong concentrations (shots) even with just the Kratom powder and on I would wake up and immediately use it. After about a year of the shots I found a brand that claimed it was “extra strength” powder it was insanely strong! I ended up failing a test for ice while using it! It had shiny stuff in it unlike normal powder and the withdrawals were terrible! Used a 100gs plus a day. I believe it also had tianeptine in its “blend” sadly. That went on for maybe 2 years and I was using so much and getting sick all day throwing up. I eventually went from 180 pounds to 135. Also messed my teeth up from throwing up so much! Fast forward I tried 7oh and of course it went even more downhill. It’s no banned in my state but a couple places still sell it to me. Or did until I lost my job because of this shit and one day decided I’d rather run off then withdraw. Now I’ve been messing with bs mit shots and more recently pseudo because I feel like I get more for my money. It’s been 6-7 years since this started and I managed to flip my life upside down. Most of the time I don’t even feel a high. I just feel normal and able to function. Like many others I’ve had a shitty life and inherited lots of mental health issues. My parents were addicts. I tried a handful of hard drugs and liked them but I never messed with them again because I wanted to avoid being an addict like my parents! How ironic I feel like I’m just the same with Kratom
, 7oh and all these different variants. It’s consumed me and changed me. I lost my job of many years after spending the time and learning the trade. Excuse me for being all over the place but what the heck do I do ???? I’m currently on probation and am about to mess this up if I don’t get it together. I want to get off this stuff. Want my life back! Want to have a lil money in my pockets and to work on my mental health. Idek where to start this is so silly but it’s so serious! I don’t want to get on MAT! But idek if I have to I guess I would but I don’t want to forever! How can I get my life back on track? With getting off this stuff? Idek what to do about my mental health during this aswell!?!? I’m afraid of what could happen. I’m not really suicidal but my mental health is very bad I’m scared I will end up ruining my life and ending up in prison for 100 years or something I need to get help with all this soon can’t keep on! Idek how to go about this I don’t want to tell my PO because she will violate me ! Can’t afford to have that happen either! I have 3 kids and have been there for them but this stuff is starting to affect them slightly. I went from a great dad to just a dad that does the bare minimum for them and just basically am a provider and feed and bathe them I’m not even really there for them anymore present in every moment I just don’t know. Taking advice for every aspect of the situation! Don’t have friends or living family to talk to or help or get advice from. Sorry this is so scattered and random!