u/DarkDemoness3

So I get my impressions done on Monday. I'm not worried about that appointment, but apparently, this dentist moves very quickly. So I would like to be as prepared as I can be for the extractions as early as I can be, so im not rushing. What all do I need, and what should I be aware of for the extraction and the following week? Im getting all of my top teeth (10) and 2 bottoms removed, and a lower partial and an immediate denture placed in.

So, I just had my first comprehensive dental appointment because I broke my canine tooth and just wanted it fixed. Instead, I found out my top teeth are too far gone to save and need to go, 2 bottom teeth need to go, a couple of fillings are needed and ultimately end up with an upper denture and a lower partial. I knew it was going to happen eventually, but I didn't expect it to be done soon.

Now I'm having every emotion in the book. I'm scared of the pain, scared someone will see me without my teeth, happy that I will finally have a smile I can be proud of, mad that I did this to myself, depressed, etc.

So I guess what I'm asking is how do I reconcile everything with myself?

I know I am not the only one who can literally not sleep if you know your person is awake. Like the hyper vigilance will not let you sleep if you know your person is awake.

I've been up since 2:30am July 1st. I went to bed at like 11 pm and my father is up, wide awake at 11:30 and no one (my father or husband) cannot understand why I cant just go back to bed. Well, first off, if hubby hadn't woken me up because he saw my father's lights on, I probably would have stayed asleep...but no, hubs just HAD to wake me up. So now, Im out here watching Drag Race while my father sits in his recliner, wide awake. Both of them told me to go back to bed. I cant. My mind runs through every worst case scenario possible. Every little bump or thud, I'm up amd checking to see if he fell...I cant shut it off.

Also...I found out that I need all 10 of my upper teeth need to be taken out and 2 lowers and put in an upper denture and lower partial and im having every emotion possible.

My father...80 yrs old...on the cusp of Silent Gen and Boomer...has suddenly become obsessed with an idea that everyone is on drugs or alcohol...just noe he said, "I'm glad your son knows tge value of hard work. Kids today just work enough to get money for their drugs and alcohol." Which is the 6th time he has mentioned people being on those things in the past 3 days...

My little 13 year old chihuahua died this morning. She had CHF and was getting bad. All of me hurts and feels empty. And now I'm mad because why did she have to go instead of the 80 year jerk of a father who claims he's ready to go? I know its just grief talking...and thats on top of the burn out im in...but im so angry and hurt and devastated and heartbroken...I am thankful because it was 2 years ago they told me she had CHF and only had months and I got 2 more wonderful years with her. I'm thankful she isn't suffering anymore, but fck...this hurts so much. Like a deep, deep physical hurt. I've had a total hysterectomy and it hurt less than this...I'm grieving everything right now, arent I? My mom's death in 2021 that forced me into caregiving the second she died, grieving my life that I had to give up, grieving my dog, and grieving a relationship that I wish I had had with my father...this sucks so much...

I just need to scream into the void...

I've become someone I dont recognize... I'm hateful, resentful, and all-around ready to go...its passive ideation, so I'm safe. I hate this...with all my soul I hate this...I hate being used as a piece of equipment so that he gets what he wants...I say equipment because yesterday, I took him to the hearing aid office (tell me why someone who claims they are ready to die needs to spend 4k for hearing aids?) And the woman in the office says "You have a wonderful daughter helping you, I have clients who would kill for someone like her." And he freaking says "Well I'll rent her out for the right price." My jaw hit the floor. This man pisses me off so bad...

On top of everything... my husband recently got a new job that's pretty demanding, so he's gone most of the day, and then when he gets home, he just passes out. I'm not upset that he's unable to help me, im upset because the one person I could talk about this crap with is now essentially gone.

I want to be gone...how ever that looks honestly. I am also now 100% convinced my father will outlive me because I'm run clean into the ground.

Please dont suggest therapy or meds because I dont have insurance yet, so im SOL. Besides, I just needed to get this off my chest somewhere.