u/DashingDexter

So I went in for a routine endoscopy for a look see. Before the procedure the Dr who was new to me came in and was asking me had I had varices in the past I said yes but too small to band and I had portal hypertension that had resolved itself. (once it resolved they took me off the nodolol sp?) I am on no meds for cirrhosis. She kinda looked surprised I wasn't on anything. She said if she did find any that she wouldn't be banding them that they treat them now with just meds like cardiovol (not sure on the spelling but I've heard people on here being on it because of PH) ....I was a wee bit taken a back...not banding? That sounds scary as shit...so has anyone encountered this yet?

Edited for clarification: I've had cirrhosis for 5.5 yrs. I've had varices in the past that were not banded due to size (very small ones). PH had resolved by a year. I was taken off all meds. I have routine endos and colonoscopies. This is the first time I've heard of not banding at all...just meds. Too me it sounds scary not to band...just wondering if this is just my Dr or is this a new thing?

Its interesting...I read a thread from several weeks ago and the dreadful words came up once again.... its a "wretched way to go" ...that used to make me mad as hell....and I'd make a mean comment...just now when I read it...no anger....just the song in my head....🎵 "I'll do it my way"....when the going gets tough...the tough have better ways of dealing with that.

My best friend is currently in hospice (colon cancer that metastasized) ...its an interesting angle to view and so fucking heart breaking. Ive known this man since I was 17 and we are in our mid and late 50's...For two years now I've watched him go to from a vibrant man to a shell of his former self. He was given two months, we are one down. We talk everyday on video chat. We laugh and cry and commiserate. We keep each company. We mended old hurts.

I wasnt supposed to be here...I had in my mind a relief of not having to watch everyone around me die....but damnit even that didnt work out...I've lost so many people in the last 5yrs of this fucking mess...I just dont think my heart can handle much more...but I have another friend fighting cancer too...and my Mom is dying. So there is no choice....but to pick myself up and drag on...all of my friends slowly distanced themselves but 1...and thats ok.

While I would love to say I am handling all of this with grace and dignity...I am not. I am crying non stop from the pain I feel from others...I even went back on antidepressants....thats going to take some time ...for once in my life I wanted to see what it felt like to be me without meds...it lasted a year. Ive been on that shit since I was a teen. I wanted off the merry go round of antidepressants....maybe this one will work....sure why not...the other 75 didnt, Im sure this one will 🫩.

Sorry for the cursing.

Please share...I know I can't be the only one to feel this way...