Horrible Surgery Consultation - Non-flat TS
I've been lurking here for a long time and recently took the steps within Kaiser to seek non flat top surgery as a femme presenting Nb person.
The experience with the psychiatrist and tele nurse was amazing. I felt really understood. For years I just thought I wanted a breast reduction but had lurked online long enough to know most people don't find the results satisfactory. And I wanted to go to basically nothing. So I'm seeking a mostly flat chest but not a masculinizing surgery. I seriously saw folks on here get this kind of procedure from this surgeon. I have no idea how I have such an awful impression.
I found a Dr that is well received by folks on this page. And I came prepared with a few photos. I expected it to be more of a conversation of what is possible after she saw my chest. It's honestly hard to find pics of exactly what I'm after so the first picture I showed was apparently too feminine to count as gender affirming care. She actually immediately went into a lecture about how this is cosmetic and not dysphoria. I hadn't even gotten to explain that I'd want something flat but similar placement. Honestly I wasn't totally prepared to be questioned because folks had such a good experience with her. I just burst into tears.
And communication kinda devoled from there. I tried to explain that I was questioning getting a full top surgery or leaving some tissue behind. But she took that to mean I feared regret of having surgery at all. I believe she didn't believe my identity or that I had any struggle at all with my gender. I actually didn't expect to have to express this to my surgeon. And also I was pretty upset by then and was no longer making too much sense. I really should have just left immediately. The notes are pretty devastating:
"I explained that this is a cosmetic breast mastopexy, and does not meet the criteria for surgery for "gender dysphoria".
Given her starting breast size, this would be a moderate reduction and mostly a lift for excess skin as her breast size is already on the smaller side.
Patient also discussed several times that she is worried she will regret it later and that she really doesn't want to look masculine. Further she emphasized that she does feel like her mental health would benefit and she would feel better if she were smaller."
But now my medical notes state that my wants are cosmetic and do not fit the criteria of gender affirming care. She also wrote that I don't wear a binder but I wear one everyday? One of the reasons I want surgery is because living like this is so atrocious and uncomfortable. I just want them gone I don't care what kind of result I get at this point. I wish I had explained that better. I feel like this has ruined my chances with insurance and I really don't want to go to a cosmetic only surgeon because I don't believe I'll get what I want. I'm so defeated.