Pre employment drug screening ( with plot twist !!!)
I hope everyone is having a wonderful day! I have been a marijuanna smoker on and off for a while. My mentality is go big or go home. So I either don't smoke or smoke till I can't walk properly anymore.
Male in his 20s, 6ft 180 lbs just for reference.
Latest timelines I have smoked that I remember: ( going backwards)
Currently 20 days clean,
15 days daily smoked, finished a whole 1g dispensary weed vape.
7-10 days no clean,
3-4 weeks of daily weed vape smoking till I would start losing focus with my eyes,
1 month clean,
3-4 months of daily weed vape smoking + joint smoking.
I don't remember before that but something similar,
The day after my interview I received a job offer form an engineering company ( pretty big one ) and the offer had condition such as pre employment drug screening. I didn't panic and thought it would take me 3 days to pass the urine test ( checked the job board Q&A which said Urine test upon hire ) Once I started doing my research I understood it takes around 30 days for daily smoker to pass the test. The panic and stress kicked in. Tried CVS home urine test for Thc
Day 2 clean - positive
Day 4 clean - positive
Day 5 clean - somehow got almost invisible line for negative ( super diluted pee)
Ordered some Prime screen THC (multi level )tests and Advancedhome drug test ( multi level) from Amazon
Day 6 Prime screen gave me negative for 100 ng/ml but positive for 50ng/ml and under. However Advancedhome drug test gave me all negatives all the way down to 15 ng/ml (realized it was a scam)
Day 8-10 very invisible faint lines.
Day 11 positive
Day 12-16invisible ghost lines
Day 17 positive
Day 18-19 Invisible lines (ghost lines)
Day 20 the actual clinic test day
At this point I was wondering if the test examiner would even look this close and actually try to see the ghost lines. At the same time I was reading on Reddit how people managed to pass their urine test. Diluting wasn't for me because I thought it will get marked for dilute and they would ask me to retest and 100% watch me pee. I bought a thermometer from GE and ordered one from Amazon ( validation reasons ) . The idea was that I will ask my buddy to pee in a cup, put it in a condom, use hand warmer and sneak it in my underwear. I started practicing with my own pee and keeping it under my balls for around 1 hours, both sitting and walking. Would check how the temperature would change. Couples tries later I realized that the pee inside the condom is getting cloudy and floating particles from the lube of the lube of the condom. I also know that if I remove the lube completely it would affect the durability of the condom. Every time I kept the condom full of pee or water it registered between 94-96 F. 1 day before the test actual test I tried to mimic the exact anticipated situation. I went in the bathroom, had a clean condom full of water sitting between my thighs / under my balls, wearing a compression boxers with cargo pants on top. I also attached a safety pin between the layers of my boxers. I tried holding the cup and condom with one hand while trying to prick it with the safety pin to fill the cup. 1 st try, went great, checked the temperature after pouring it out and it was reading around 94-95 F. I did 4 more tries. 2 times the hole pricked was so little that I had to squeeze the condom to get the water out and it took a while, which makes the surface thinner but longer drop time (loss of heat) the other 2 times after making the same exact prick, I tried squeezing the condom and they exploded. Where I realized that the chances of this working is super low. I got small scissors and put it in between the from double layer of my boxers farting upwards so it doesn't accidentally damage the condom. 3-4 test later, everything was working great!
Hardest part was squeezing the tip of condom to cut a small whole while not fully separating the condom.
The big day came. Weather was around 96F outside. I cleaned 2 condoms form lube, rinsed with warm water and put them in a cup with warm water. Started my car and turned AC on just slightly. Asked my buddy to pee in a cup. I filled one condom around 2.5-3 oz and put them right between my thighs inside my compression boxers (underwear). The other one I put in the 2nd condom, and put that condom inside a cup of warm water, and attached a body heating pad to the cup which was saying that it will keep it around 100-105F. Used just a bit of AC while keeping my windows down to not affect the temperature. Drove to the clinic, parked in a close by quiet area and checked the temperature for the condom full of pee i between my thighs using 2 thermometers. One was 98f other was 97.6F. Drove and parked in front of the clinic, entered in. Acting casual but inside trembling with stress. They had issue with my paperwork and etc then they found my appointment somehow.
Meanwhile I was sitting with my legs slightly closed and playing clash of clans to seem I don't have the slightest care in the world. I was expecting to be patted down and I had to execute the plan perfectly to not make any noise.
!PLOT TWIST!
The lady told me that I am going to have a saliva test, and since I did so much research about the and types of tests, I knew I was safe! I said are you sure, she said yes! I asked for bathroom saying that I have been holding my pee all day so I can pee. Went in, took a huge breath and started actually peeing ( I was full since l also drank to much water in case temperature of the pee inside the condom feels of, I can add slightly my own urine to warm it up ( additionally was going to check if the drug test is already in the cup given to me, if it wasn't I was gonna pee in myself first to warm up the cup before putting the pee from the condom ). I left the bathroom and was called to the doctors office for my saliva test. My stress from failing the plan of pouring the urine from condom disappeared. However, I was still stress, why?
Because I have a condom full of pee between my thighs, super warm (I didn't feel it at all, sometimes I would check my pants to make sure it didn't leak or something ) I had to sit down while taking the saliva test. It felt like having a ticking bomb in my underwear, and just praying inside that it doesn't explode or it will get really awkward and I didn't know what to expect. I survived it successfully. The stress of changed pee turned to condom not exploding!
Nevertheless, I was fully prepared and passed my drug screening!! I came back and took my buddy to Chinese buffet to celebrate!
I wish you best of luck and this is my story, experiment and outcome! I hope it helps! I will also try to attach pictures of my tests if I find out how!!
I quit weed once and forever, that stress wasn't worth all the combined pleasure I got from weed.
Stay healthy! And be brave!
Risk all for everything if need! May LUCK be on your side!