u/Deynx

TL;DR: my partner and i have been together for 8 years, living in Hungary. i'm a German citizen, they're not from the EU. we recently got married (in Denmark) and we finally received a residence card under the EU Freedom of Movement Directive (2004/38/EC) in Hungary, which finally lets my partner work anywhere than just at the company that sponsored their residence permit so far, as her stay was always limited to her work/studies. the thing is, we also want to move and we're considering Denmark, but we don't know where to start. looking for honest advice from locals and people who moved there.

my partner and i have been together for 8 years. we met at university and moved in together almost immediately, and we've been dating ever since. we've wanted to get married since at least 2021, but it was always a difficult topic because we were closeted, Hungary doesn't recognize same-sex marriages, and we valued being honest with our families first. eventually we stopped caring about that and eloped in Denmark this January. it was the most emotional and challenging experience of our lives, but i genuinely believe we'll never forget it.

for context: i'm a German citizen living in Hungary. my partner is not from the EU. before we married, their right to stay here was always tied to either studying or working, and they've worked continuously, straight after their BA, for the past 4 years. but the laws for non-EU nationals have been getting stricter here and in the EU generally, and we were always walking on eggshells, not knowing what we'd do if they ever lost their job, since they'd have to pack everything and leave within about 6 days. we never dared to move to another country because we weren't sure we'd meet the requirements.

we originally thought our only option was a family reunification visa, but things got confusing since we weren't in my home country. then we realized we could apply for a "residence card for family members of EU/EEA citizens" under the Freedom of Movement Directive (2004/38/EC). we gathered all the documents and applied around late April, and we got the card by the end of June. we're honestly still in shock, in a good way, after all the struggles, i think it'll take us years to get over it.

now we want to use this and start chaing jobs for my partner, cause they no longer are tied to only one company. but we've also been wanting to leave Hungary since at least 2023. we never really did because we were "comfortable" - meaning we had a place to stay (even if we often could barely afford rent, or we could but then couldn't afford groceries), we were used to the system, and we had "stable" but still shitty jobs. i've changed jobs multiple times; my partner couldn't. now they can, and it feels freeing but also scary - where do they even look, what do they want to do? they're at a well-known company and recently got promoted to manager, but the pay and job still sucks.

we also feel a lot of pressure to move: we can't stand the climate here anymore. we both prefer the cold and my autoimmune disease and chronic illness make the heat extra hard on my body, and the weather in germany has never been as extreme as here in Hungary (at least not where i'm from)
my partner is used to the cold too from their home country. the summers here are crazy - they start around the end of May and last until the end of September. it's humid, and with global warming it's become unbearable. we only leave home for groceries, work commutes, and errands during this period. temperatures hit 35-40°C and the nights don't cool down either. i know this might sound shocking to some, but we get seasonal depression in summer.

LGBTQIA+ rights here are also barely non-existent. marriages aren't recognized and there's a lot more i won't get into right now.

life is expensive. our salaries barely cover anything, we can't save, and we've been trying to financially recover for years. we don't own credit cards, we have no debts besides my student loan, which we should have fully paid off by December. honestly, we don't want much. just to not melt, to afford rent and groceries, and to have a little left over for some good memories. our ultimate dream is to become independent doing what we love, but we're trying to be realistic here...

we have health insurance through our employers, but anything beyond private is bad and private is either extremely expensive or not serious at all (that's just our experience, of course). We don't own a car and couldn't even finish our driving licenses because we couldn't afford it. we don't have kids (just our lovely cat, what feels just like having a kid), and i honestly think we're burnt out. our families don't know about us, so they obviously can't support us - and we know they wouldn't, since they're homophobic for a fact. my parents can only afford their own rent and groceries, and my partner's parents are richer but would rather spend their money elsewhere (they didn't even want to help us with rent last year because they said it would be "unfair," since their own parents couldn't help them when they were young).

i don't even know what my point is here, but we really wish to move. we just don't know where to start. job hunting? the job market seems to suck globally right now. housing is scary too - either too expensive, not what we want, full of issues, or a scammer's trap.

we've been considering Denmark (and other countries), yet we're scared of ending up worse than we already are in terms of politics (we're on the left), jobs, and being able to afford rent and groceries. and maybe, dare i say, save some money, finish our licenses, maybe go back to university.

my partner has a BA in visual arts and representation and works in shop design/visual merchandising. i have a BA in linguistics and work in HR but have experience across various fields.

one last thing, and i'm sure this is no news to anyone: we hate 9-to-5s. i seriously can't emphasize this enough. we're burnt out, we no longer function. we wake up, go to work, commute back and forth (about 3 hours total both ways), come home, eat if we can, shower if we can, sleep, and repeat. we haven't traveled in years (except those 5 days in January to get married in Denmark, which was rather traumatizing). we last saw our families 3-4 years ago. we're both struggling with our mental and physical health (anxiety and depression). we know capitalism doesn't really allow us to dream outside of it, so we just continue. i've experienced unemployment before, last year, and it was hell...we had to ask strangers online for leftover food, and we're still recovering from it. so just taking a risk and jumping is out of the question, thanks to that trauma. i don't think we've ever been in our comfort zone. but we really wish to be. maybe there's still some hope left for us.

so my question to everyone reading this: what would you do? would you stay where you are for now, now that you finally have the residence card? would you look for better jobs where you are? or would you start looking for opportunities in another country, like Denmark, where you'd have to reapply for the same card after 90 days of freedom of movement, but basically start from zero - with no savings and no support system, but you would be better off maybe at least in terms of climate, politics, health care and work-life balance? or would you finally rest and take a breather, now that you no longer have to worry about what happens if you lose your job? or would you use this as a chance to seek better opportunities?

any advise means a lot. thank you in advance.

TL;DR: my partner and i have been together for 8 years, living in Hungary. i'm a German citizen, they're not from the EU. we recently got married (in Denmark) and we finally received a residence card under the EU Freedom of Movement Directive (2004/38/EC) in Hungary, which finally lets my partner work anywhere than just at the company that sponsored their residence permit so far, as her stay was always limited to her work/studies. the thing is, we also want to move and we're considering Denmark, but we don't know where to start. looking for honest advice from locals and people who moved there.

my partner and i have been together for 8 years. we met at university and moved in together almost immediately, and we've been dating ever since. we've wanted to get married since at least 2021, but it was always a difficult topic because we were closeted, Hungary doesn't recognize same-sex marriages, and we valued being honest with our families first. eventually we stopped caring about that and eloped in Denmark this January. it was the most emotional and challenging experience of our lives, but i genuinely believe we'll never forget it.

for context: i'm a German citizen living in Hungary. my partner is not from the EU. before we married, their right to stay here was always tied to either studying or working, and they've worked continuously, straight after their BA, for the past 4 years. but the laws for non-EU nationals have been getting stricter here and in the EU generally, and we were always walking on eggshells, not knowing what we'd do if they ever lost their job, since they'd have to pack everything and leave within about 6 days. we never dared to move to another country because we weren't sure we'd meet the requirements.

we originally thought our only option was a family reunification visa, but things got confusing since we weren't in my home country. then we realized we could apply for a "residence card for family members of EU/EEA citizens" under the Freedom of Movement Directive (2004/38/EC). we gathered all the documents and applied around late April, and we got the card by the end of June. we're honestly still in shock, in a good way, after all the struggles, i think it'll take us years to get over it.

now we want to use this and start chaing jobs for my partner, cause they no longer are tied to only one company. but we've also been wanting to leave Hungary since at least 2023. we never really did because we were "comfortable" - meaning we had a place to stay (even if we often could barely afford rent, or we could but then couldn't afford groceries), we were used to the system, and we had "stable" but still shitty jobs. i've changed jobs multiple times; my partner couldn't. now they can, and it feels freeing but also scary - where do they even look, what do they want to do? they're at a well-known company and recently got promoted to manager, but the pay and job still sucks.

we also feel a lot of pressure to move: we can't stand the climate here anymore. we both prefer the cold and my autoimmune disease and chronic illness make the heat extra hard on my body, and the weather in germany has never been as extreme as here in Hungary (at least not where i'm from)
my partner is used to the cold too from their home country. the summers here are crazy - they start around the end of May and last until the end of September. it's humid, and with global warming it's become unbearable. we only leave home for groceries, work commutes, and errands during this period. temperatures hit 35-40°C and the nights don't cool down either. i know this might sound shocking to some, but we get seasonal depression in summer.

LGBTQIA+ rights here are also barely non-existent. marriages aren't recognized and there's a lot more i won't get into right now.

life is expensive. our salaries barely cover anything, we can't save, and we've been trying to financially recover for years. we don't own credit cards, we have no debts besides my student loan, which we should have fully paid off by December. honestly, we don't want much. just to not melt, to afford rent and groceries, and to have a little left over for some good memories. our ultimate dream is to become independent doing what we love, but we're trying to be realistic here...

we have health insurance through our employers, but anything beyond private is bad and private is either extremely expensive or not serious at all (that's just our experience, of course). We don't own a car and couldn't even finish our driving licenses because we couldn't afford it. we don't have kids (just our lovely cat, what feels just like having a kid), and i honestly think we're burnt out. our families don't know about us, so they obviously can't support us - and we know they wouldn't, since they're homophobic for a fact. my parents can only afford their own rent and groceries, and my partner's parents are richer but would rather spend their money elsewhere (they didn't even want to help us with rent last year because they said it would be "unfair," since their own parents couldn't help them when they were young).

i don't even know what my point is here, but we really wish to move. we just don't know where to start. job hunting? the job market seems to suck globally right now. housing is scary too - either too expensive, not what we want, full of issues, or a scammer's trap.

we've been considering Denmark (and other countries), yet we're scared of ending up worse than we already are in terms of politics (we're on the left), jobs, and being able to afford rent and groceries. and maybe, dare i say, save some money, finish our licenses, maybe go back to university.

my partner has a BA in visual arts and representation and works in shop design/visual merchandising. i have a BA in linguistics and work in HR but have experience across various fields.

one last thing, and i'm sure this is no news to anyone: we hate 9-to-5s. i seriously can't emphasize this enough. we're burnt out, we no longer function. we wake up, go to work, commute back and forth (about 3 hours total both ways), come home, eat if we can, shower if we can, sleep, and repeat. we haven't traveled in years (except those 5 days in January to get married in Denmark, which was rather traumatizing). we last saw our families 3-4 years ago. we're both struggling with our mental and physical health (anxiety and depression). we know capitalism doesn't really allow us to dream outside of it, so we just continue. i've experienced unemployment before, last year, and it was hell...we had to ask strangers online for leftover food, and we're still recovering from it. so just taking a risk and jumping is out of the question, thanks to that trauma. i don't think we've ever been in our comfort zone. but we really wish to be. maybe there's still some hope left for us.

so my question to everyone reading this: what would you do? would you stay where you are for now, now that you finally have the residence card? would you look for better jobs where you are? or would you start looking for opportunities in another country, like Denmark, where you'd have to reapply for the same card after 90 days of freedom of movement, but basically start from zero - with no savings and no support system, but you would be better off maybe at least in terms of climate, politics, health care and work-life balance? or would you finally rest and take a breather, now that you no longer have to worry about what happens if you lose your job? or would you use this as a chance to seek better opportunities?

any advise means a lot. thank you in advance.

please excuse any grammatical errors - ive been meaning to post on here for months now.

TL;DR: partner and i have been together for 8 years, living together in hungary. i am a european citizen, partner is not. we recently got married (same-sex for context) so my partner got a new residence card (hungary obviously doesn't recognise same sex marriages, but EU law does under "freedom of movement" directive), which now allows them to work anywhere (before that, their stay here had been limited to the workplace and before that, their studies). we do not know what jobs to look for, and we also have been wanting to move to another country. we have a hard time deciding due to various factors such as: climate, health insurance, job market, housing, lgbtqia+ rights, etc.

my partner and i have been together for 8 years - we met during uni and moved in almost immediately after we met. we've been dating ever since and have been wanting to get married since at least 2021, but it's always been a rather "difficult" topic because we're

a) closeted
b) HU does not recognise same-sex marriages
c) we valued being honest and only marrying after telling our families, until we eventually didn't care anymore - we got married this jan in denmark (it was the most emotional and challenging experience ever, it was rather an elopement, but i genuinely believe that we will never forget this)
d) financially not doing "well"

ever since we married, we've been exploring opportunities for my partner to stay with me wherever i am. this has been a burden on us since day 1 - they were with me thankfully, all this time, but it was always tied to either having ongoing studies or a job. which they did - continuously. but to be honest, the laws for people from outside of the EU, has been worsening (here and in the EU in general) and we were always walking around egg-shells, not knowing what we'd do if my partner ever lost their job, as they'd have to pack everything and leave within approx. 6 days. we also never dared moving to another country, because we weren't even sure if we'd meet all the requirements. so my partner stayed at their job, which they have been working at for the past 4 years (they immediately started after their BA).

we thought the only way we could be together, is by applying for a family reunification visa, but things got confusing, since we didn't need a "reunification" as we weren't in my home country. thankfully, we quickly came to realise, that we can apply for a "residence card for family members of eu/eea citizens" under the Freedom of Movement Directive 2004/38/EC.
we gathered all the necessary documents and applied around late april this year and obtained the residence card by the end of june. we are honestly still shook (in a good way) - i think it'll take us years to get over this after all the struggles.

now, this is where it gets confusing. we've been wanting to leave the country since at least 2023, but we never really wanted to, since we were "comfortable" and by that we mean: having a place to stay (even though we often barely can afford rent, or we can, but then we can't afford other stuff like groceries), being used to the system here and having "stable" (but still shitty) jobs. i've changed jobs multiple times, my partner couldn't. but now they can, and it feels so freeing yet also scary - where do they look for jobs, what do they want to do? (they are working at a very "successful" and "well-known" company where they also recently got promoted to become a manager - the pay still sucks).

we also feel even more pressure to move (and this pressure is created by ourselves mainly, i guess) as we really can't stand the climate here anymore. we both prefer the cold (my autoimmune diseases/chronic illness makes the heat extra hard on my body, plus i'm from a country where the average temp throughout the year is 11 degrees Celsius and my partner is also used to the cold from their home country). the summers here are just crazy - they start around the end of may and last until end of sept. it's humid and with the current situation of global warming and climate change, it's been unbearable. we only ever leave home for groceries, to commute to work and to run other errands. the temperatures are 35-40 degrees and the nights don't cool down either. i know this might sound shocking to many, but we experience seasonal depression during summer..

the lgbtqia+ rights in this country are also barely non-existent. marriages aren't recognised and many more things that i wouldn't really want to get further into right now.
life is expensive. our salaries barely cover anything, we can't save and we have been trying to financially recover for years now. we don't own any credit cards or anything and don't have any debts besides my student loan that we are almost done with (should be fully paid off by this december).
honestly, we don't want much - just to not melt, to be able to afford groceries and rent, and to have enough left over for some good memories to make. our ultimate dream is to become independent doing what we love, but yeah... trying to be realistic right here.

while we have our health insurance through our employers, anything but private sucks and private is just either extremely expensive or just not serious at all (this is only regarding our experience ofc).
we don't own a car, we couldn't even finish our driver's licenses because we couldn't afford it anymore. we don't have kids and i honestly think we are burnt tf out. since our families don't know of us, they obviously can't support us, and we know they wouldn't because our families are homophobic for a fact. my parents are only able to afford their own rent and groceries, and my partners parents are rich-ish but they rather spend their money on other things (they didn't even want to help us with rent last year because they said it's "unfair" if they helped us, since when they were young, their parents didn't have money to help them).

ugh, i dont even know what my point is here but we really wish to move.
we just don't know where to start - job hunting? the job market sucks globally at the moment.
housing is scary, too. either too expensive, not what we want and full of issues or a scammer's trap.
for context, we've been considering the following countries:

- denmark
- sweden
- netherlands
- belgium
- germany
- maybe norway

these countries also include my home country - but going back there is also very "confusing" as the politics have been getting worse and we are just scared to end up worse than we already are here in terms of politics (we are on the left) jobs and being able to afford rent/groceries and do i even dare to say maybe save some money and continue our licenses, maybe go back to uni, etc.

my partner holds a BA in visual arts and representation, working in shop design/visual merchandising, i hold a BA in linguistics and work HR.

one last thing to mention (im sure this is no news) but we hate 9-5s. i seriously don't think we can emphasize this enough. we are burnt out, we no longer function. we wake up, go to work, commute back and forth (3 hrs total for both ways) come home, eat if we can, shower if we can, sleep and repeat. we haven't travelled in years (except this year in jan for 5 days to get married in denmark, but it was rather traumatising). we last saw our families 3-4 years ago. we both are struggling with our mental and physical health, have anxiety and depression. we also know that capitalism doesnt really allow us to dream about anything outside of it, so we just continue. we've experienced being unemployed before (for myself) and it was HELL. this was last year, we had to ask for leftovers from strangers online and we are still recovering from it, so taking a step and just risking it is out of question too, thanks to trauma. i don't think we have been in our comfort zone, ever. but we really wish to be. maybe there still is some hope left for us?

so i guess my question to everyone reading this is: what would you do? would you stay where you are for now, because you finally got the residence card? would you look for other jobs here - or would you start looking for opportunities in other countries, where you would have to apply for the same residence card again (after 90 days for "freedom of movement") but you would basically have to start from zero, with zero savings and no support system. would you finally just rest and take a breather, now that you no longer need to worry about what might happen if you lose your job or would you use this as a streamline to seek for better opportunities?

if anyone has any advise, kind words, their thoughts and experiences, tips and tricks to spare - we would be more than grateful.

thank you in advance, this means a lot.

please excuse any grammatical errors - ive been meaning to post on here for months now.

TL;DR: partner and i have been together for 8 years, living together in a european country. i am a european citizen, partner is not. we recently got married (same-sex for context) so my partner got a new residence card (country we stay in does not recognise same sex marriages, but EU law does under "freedom of movement" directive), which now allows them to work anywhere (before that, their stay in this country had been limited to the workplace and before that, their studies). we do not know what jobs to look for, and we also have been wanting to move to another country. we have a hard time deciding due to various factors such as: climate, health insurance, job market, housing, lgbtqia+ rights, etc.

my partner and i have been together for 8 years - we met during uni and moved in almost immediately after we met. we've been dating ever since and have been wanting to get married since at least 2021, but it's always been a rather "difficult" topic because we're

a) closeted
b) the country we live in does not recognise same-sex marriages
c) we valued being honest and only marrying after telling our families, until we eventually didn't care anymore - we got married this jan in denmark (it was the most emotional and challenging experience ever, it was rather an elopement, but i genuinely believe that we will never forget this)
d) financially not doing "well"

ever since we married, we've been exploring opportunities for my partner to stay with me wherever i am. this has been a burden on us since day 1 - they were with me thankfully, all this time, but it was always tied to either having ongoing studies or a job. which they did - continuously. but to be honest, the laws for people from outside of the EU, has been worsening in the country we are in (and in the EU in general) and we were always walking around egg-shells, not knowing what we'd do if my partner ever lost their job, as they'd have to pack everything and leave within 6 days. we also never dared moving to another country, because we weren't even sure if we'd meet all the requirements. so my partner stayed at their job, which they have been working at for the past 4 years (they immediately started after their BA).

we thought the only way we could be together, is by applying for a family reunification visa, but things got confusing, since we didn't need a "reunification" as we weren't in my country. thankfully, we quickly came to realise, that we can apply for a "residence card for family members of eu/eea citizens" under the Freedom of Movement Directive 2004/38/EC.
we gathered all the necessary documents and applied around late april this year and obtained the residence card by the end of june. we are honestly still shook (in a good way) - i think it'll take us years to get over this after all the struggles.

now, this is where it gets confusing. we've been wanting to leave the country we're in since at least 2023, but we never really wanted to, since we were "comfortable" and by that we mean: having a place to stay (even though we often barely can afford rent, or we can, but then we can't afford other stuff like groceries), being used to the system here and having "stable" (but still shitty) jobs. i've changed jobs multiple times, my partner couldn't. but now they can, and it feels so freeing yet also scary - where do they look for jobs, what do they want to do? (they are working at a very "successful" and "well-known" company where they also recently got promoted to become a manager).

we also feel even more pressure to move (and this pressure is created by ourselves mainly, i guess) as we really can't stand the climate here anymore. we both prefer the cold (my autoimmune diseases/chronic illness makes the heat extra hard on my body, plus i'm from a country where the average temp throughout the year is 11 degrees Celsius and my partner is also used to the cold from their home country). the summers here are just crazy - they start around the end of may and last until end of sept. it's humid and with the current situation of global warming and climate change, it's been unbearable. we only ever leave home for groceries, to commute to work and to run other errands. the temperatures are 35-40 degrees and the nights don't cool down either. i know this might sound shocking to many, but we experience seasonal depression during summer..

the lgbtqia+ rights in this country are also barely non-existent. marriages aren't recognised and many more things that i wouldn't really want to get further into right now.
life is expensive. our salaries barely cover anything, we can't save and we have been trying to financially recover for years now. we don't own any credit cards or anything and don't have any debts besides my student loan that we are almost done with (should be fully paid off by this december).
honestly, we don't want much - just to not melt, to be able to afford groceries and rent, and to have enough left over for some good memories to make. our ultimate dream is to become independent doing what we love, but yeah... trying to be realistic right here.

while we have our health insurance through our employers, anything but private sucks and private is just either extremely expensive or just not serious at all (this is only regarding our experience).
we don't own a car, we couldn't even finish our driver's licenses because we couldn't afford it anymore. we don't have kids and i honestly think we are burnt tf out. since our families don't know of us, they obviously can't support us, and we know they wouldn't because our families are homophobic for a fact. my parents are only able to afford their own rent and groceries, and my partners parents are rich-ish but they rather spend their money on other things (they didn't even want to help us with rent last year because they said it's "unfair" if they helped us, since when they were young, their parents didn't have money to help them).

ugh, i dont even know what my point is here but we really wish to move.
we just don't know where to start - job hunting? the job market sucks globally at the moment.
housing is scary, too. either too expensive, not what we want and full of issues or a scammers trap.
for context, we've been considering the following countries:

- denmark
- sweden
- netherlands
- belgium
- germany
- maybe norway

these countries also include my home country - but going back there is also very "confusing" as the politics have been getting worse and we are just scared to end up worse than we already are here in terms of politics (we are on the left) jobs and being able to afford rent/groceries and do i even dare to say maybe save some money and continue our licenses, maybe go back to uni, etc.

my partner holds a BA in visual arts and representation, working in shop design/visual merchandising, i hold a BA in linguistics and work HR.

one last thing to mention (im sure this is no news) but we hate 9-5s. i seriously don't think we can emphasize this enough. we are burnt out, we no longer function. we wake up, go to work, commute back and forth (3 hrs total for both ways) come home, eat if we can, shower if we can, sleep and repeat. we haven't travelled in years (except this year in jan for 5 days to get married in denmark, but it was rather traumatising). we last saw our families 3-4 years ago. we both are struggling with our mental and physical health, have anxiety and depression. we also know that capitalism doesnt really allow us to dream about anything outside of it, so we just continue. we've experienced being unemployed before (for myself) and it was HELL. this was last year, we had to ask for leftovers from strangers online and we are still recovering from it, so taking a step and just risking it is out of question too, thanks to trauma. i don't think we have been in our comfort zone, ever. but we really wish to be. i think there is still some hope left in us?

so i guess my question to everyone reading this is: what would you do? would you stay where you are for now, because we finally got the residence card? would you look for other jobs here - or would you start looking for opportunities in other countries, where you would have to apply for the same residence card again (after 90 days for "freedom of movement"). would you finally just rest and take a breather, now that you no longer need to worry about what might happen if you lose your job or would you use this as a streamline to seek for better opportunities?

if anyone has any advise, kind words, their thoughts and experiences, tips and tricks to spare - we would be more than grateful.
thank you in advance, this means a lot.