PPROM at 28+6 — struggling with guilt over delivering at 34 weeks vs continuing
I’m currently hospitalized with PPROM and would really love to hear from other moms who have been through something similar, especially prolonged PPROM.
My water broke at 28 weeks and 6 days. I’ve been inpatient ever since, and thankfully baby and I have remained stable. I’ve had steroids, magnesium, antibiotics, constant monitoring, weekly ultrasounds, NSTs, bloodwork, etc. The original goal we were given—and the goal I have mentally held onto this entire time—was making it to 34 weeks.
I’m currently 32 weeks exactly, and we recently had a conversation with our MFM about whether we should continue the pregnancy beyond our original 34-week goal if baby and I are still stable. That conversation is what suddenly made the decision feel much harder.
Our MFM explained that there is an incremental benefit to baby with additional time, particularly as he continues to mature, but he was also clear that staying pregnant longer may not actually change how much time our baby ultimately spends in the NICU.
When I asked him directly what he would do if he were in my position, he said he would go for 35 weeks. He also explained that getting all the way to 36 weeks would be much tougher because most women in this situation go into spontaneous labor before then. 36 weeks would be the absolute maximum they would let us go.
I think part of why this conversation hit me so hard is that mentally, I had finally gotten to the point where I could tell myself, “We only have two weeks left.” October 19th at 34 weeks has been the finish line I’ve been counting down to this entire hospitalization.
And suddenly, that could become four more weeks instead of two.
If we continued all the way to 36 weeks, we would go from October 19th to November 2nd. I know two additional weeks may not sound like much from the outside, especially when there is potential benefit for my baby, but after already spending weeks in a hospital room, mentally it feels enormous.
At the same time, continuing isn’t risk-free. There are ongoing maternal risks like infection and bleeding. I also keep thinking about the fact that I need to be healthy after delivery. My baby will likely need NICU support, and I want to be physically and mentally present for him—to pump, do skin-to-skin, participate in his care, and just be his mom.
But the hardest part for me isn’t even the statistics.
It’s the guilt.
I look at other women who carry their babies to 39 or 40 weeks and sometimes feel like my body failed my baby. I know logically that I didn’t choose for my water to break, but emotionally it’s been much harder to accept that.
I’ve already spent weeks living in a hospital room, being monitored constantly, wondering whether every contraction or change means labor or infection. Everything about pregnancy and birth has become so medical. Instead of preparing for birth normally, I’m thinking about gestational ages, infection, sepsis, respiratory support, feeding tubes, NICU stays and risk percentages.
And underneath all of that is something I almost feel ashamed admitting: I want to be done.
I want to meet my baby. I want to leave this hospital room. I want the uncertainty to stop. I want to start recovering and move into the next phase instead of constantly waiting for something to happen.
And then I immediately feel selfish for wanting that.
Because if another week inside me could help him, shouldn’t I be willing to do it?
And if I make it to 35 weeks and we’re both still stable, wouldn’t I then feel obligated to push to 36?
Where do you draw the line when there is always potentially some benefit to one more day?
I’m also really scared of hindsight.
If I choose delivery at 34 weeks and he struggles in the NICU, I’m afraid I’ll think, “I could have given him more time.”
But I also know there’s another possible version of hindsight. I could continue and develop an infection or another complication and wonder why I pushed myself beyond the finish line we had originally worked so hard to reach.
Obviously, I’m making the actual medical decision with my MFM and neonatology team. I’m not asking Reddit to decide when I should deliver.
I’m looking for the human side of this from women who have actually lived it.
If you had prolonged PPROM and made it to around 34 weeks, I’d really love to know: Did you deliver at 34 or continue? If you continued, how long did you actually make it before spontaneous labor? How did your baby do in the NICU? How did you do after delivery? Did you struggle with guilt about wanting pregnancy/hospitalization to be over? And looking back now, how do you feel about the decision you made?
I’d especially appreciate hearing experiences from both sides.
I think I’m struggling with how you can simultaneously want every possible day for your baby while also desperately wanting this experience to be over.