u/Difficult-Piece7929

Heads up I talk about secular things like s*x and dr*gs in this post.

This is NOT an offense towards Christianity AT ALL, regardless of what I do, it is complete love and respect to your faith.

I am at a crucial point in my journey as a christian.

A huge part of me and my self identity feels like Jesus is the truth and the blessings in my life are because of him.

However there's constantly a voice in the back of my head saying that I wont be reaching my full potential or that Christianity is the wrong path for me. Basically saying, it's a philosophy that works for a lot of people, but it isn't what I'm supposed to do

I really love what's considered sin.
I like sex and I like drugs and my passion and dream is to be a musician. It truly feels like its my purpose.

I feel like the sins I love so much dont harm anybody the way I indulge in them. Everything is consenting, and it is still a huge part for me to treat people with kindness and love.

The dilema is that my secularism is so intertwined with music, that I have to choose one. I cant fence sit.

Either path I choose I will still prioritize moving with love. But I just can't get with all of the rules of Christianity. I think it holds me back in pursuiting music.

Its absolutely still love towards christianity and I absolutely support it as a healthy, wholesome lifestyle.
But I am worried if I choose it I will live my life in regret knowing what I could've been, and potentially not following my true purpose.

What should I do?
Posting to multiple subreddits to get different perspectives.
Please try to answer with my perspective in mind and understand this post is NOT an offense to your beliefs, regardless of what I choose to do with my life, I support and love christians.

Im high rn so pls excuse me, ima be blunt with my questions.

Should i be concerned if i like non stop am licking my lips when im on shrooms. If anybody knows how to stop that or wtv id preciate it. Or at least why im doing that.

Secondly
Whats a healthy way to take shrooms. Like i for sure feel positive benefits from it but I still got that 'drug' stigma to it. Like is this jus a dangerous path that feels good at first, or is this a genuinely healthy thing i can do for myself.
Basically,
what i want to get out of shrooms is kinda like introspection. Im aware if i do a shit ton of shrooms ALL the time im gonna be weird as fuck. No diss if youre on that.
What is the most effective method to achieve this goal? (Rate of consumption, how much, microdosing?)

When im on shrooms I tend to yap a lot (atleast i feel like that) the last thing i ever wanna do is kill the vibe. Ive asked them to like lemme know if im yapping too much. Is yapping a sign of nervous energy? Or is it completely healthy.

Ok i can ask questions for days. I know that is a lot to unpack for 1 reddit post, i respect u if u decided to read thru my high ass rambling. Any knowledge, different perspectives, shared experiences, u share would be greatly appreciated