I've been Catholic my whole life but unfortunately when I was very young I experimented some degree of sexual abuse from an older cousin that I loved a lot. Thanks be to God, I was never penetrated but he did touch me improperly more times that I care to remember and he also used to make me watch homosexual pornography. Mind you that this is very hard for me to talk about even now, and even in the anonimity, so apologies if my grammar isn't the best. It has just been very painful for me to bring this topic because my heart gets really heavy every time I do.
As I got older, I began to notice having some same-sex thoughts and attractions that made me very worried and ashamed because I've always been very religious and lenient to try my best in following God and the Church's teachings
Thankfully my parents were very supportive and took me to doctors and psychologists. Both my parents and the professionals who attended me agreed that it was mainly due to what happened to me as a kid. However, I'd still have some of those insidious thoughts from time to time and I remember even being afraid to talk about it with people I trusted.
Things began to change when I stopped trying to fight alone. I opened up to a trusted mentor in my church, someone who listened without shock or condemnation. Instead of telling me I was beyond hope, he reminded me that temptation itself isn’t the same as sin, and that my identity wasn’t rooted in my struggles but in my relationship with Christ.
From there, my focus shifted. Instead of obsessing over “winning” against certain thoughts, I started working on strengthening my spiritual life as a whole in prayer, scripture, community, and accountability. It wasn’t an instant transformation. Some days were harder than others. But over time, I noticed that those thoughts had less control over me.
For me, “victory” didn’t mean never having a struggle again. It meant not being ruled by it. It meant choosing how I respond, leaning on God’s strength rather than my own, and trusting that He is patient with me in the process. And now, with inmense joy I can finally say that I've been completely free of homosexual thoughts for the better part of my adult life. And my relationship with God is stronger than ever which makes me immensely grateful.
I still walk this journey every day. But now I do it with hope instead of fear, knowing I’m not alone and that my faith isn’t dependent on being perfect, but on continuing to seek God honestly. I'm eternally grateful to God for making me see that I am not my thoughts and that my struggles don't define me, what defines me is being a child of His' in all my dignity and honor.