Oh God it’s so bad today
Since a massive meth OD 2 years ago, I’ve had chronic pain and it’s only getting worse. The overdose caused me to seize for 30 minutes, all my organs were failing, I had a stroke and a heart attack and I woke up completely fine, or so I thought, and I thought myself really fortunate in the moment to have not been immediately paralyzed or lose control of my movement or functioning. Again, or so I thought, because I’ve been in pain pretty much constantly the last 2 years. My head leans to the right and the neck, shoulder and back pain is TERRIBLE. I can’t keep my head up using the same muscles as I used to and so I overcompensate with different muscles that also happen to strain my eyes open constantly. My knees and hips are pretty bad too and I had a job for less than a week as a fundraiser because standing 8 hours a day damn near killed me. Today I woke up and I was just burning and aching absolutely everywhere. I had shooting pains in all my extremities and I’ve had a headache and I just want to rip open my back and straighten my spine out myself. I get extremely winded easily and I tire easily and I can’t walk the same anymore. I did suffer from rhabdomyelitis during it but I never had any follow up appointments or anything after I got out of the ICU. I fried my hypothalamus and I can’t regulate my body temperature anymore. I’ve had IBS for a year now and I just went to get tested for Crohn’s. If I could change one thing about my life, it would probably be having done that to myself. Holy fuck it’s just so bad today for no reason.