Problem/Goal: I needed to get this out somewhere.
Lost my friends because I wasn’t honest, and I still think about it
It’s been almost 2 years since I lost a group of friends and I still think about them sometimes.
We used to live together. Sila yung support group ko since malungkot to live abroad and malayo sa family. They were really good people and kind.
I messed it up.
I was in a relationship I kept hidden from them, and instead of just being honest, I ended up lying about things. At first I told myself it was easier than explaining or dealing with being judged, but it just became a habit. Natakot ako majudge nila yung mga decisions ko, natakot ako sa iisipin nila towards me. I was very selfish. I lost myself in the process. It was very difficult for me at sabihin ang totoo because of all the shame. There was no excuse sa naging behavior ko.
Eventually they found out. Trust broke, and even though I apologized and owned up to everything, things never really went back to normal. We slowly drifted apart after that.
No argument, no clear ending, just distance until we stopped talking.
It’s been almost 2 years now and I still miss them. Not just the friendship, but the feeling of having people like that in my life.
I’ve thought about it a lot since then, and I know I handled things badly. I let fear lead me instead of just being honest.
I don’t really expect anything anymore. I just needed to get it out somewhere.
Time heals all wounds. I hope one day magkita kita tayo without the elephant that is our falling out and taking up space.
I hope they’re doing okay in life. And I really mean that.
Better things come to those who make space.
P.S. wala ako enough karma para makapag post sa offmychestph.