u/Disastrous_Bath_9522

What should I have done?

Me and two new friends ended up at a club this friday. Completely spontaneous decision but we had such a fun night and everyone agreed we need to do this again soon.

And well it was a very fun night, except for a few events.
Random older men at the club kept grabbing my wheelchair to ”dance with me”.

Before the wheelchair, I have had experiences of getting groped on dance floors, having predatory men approach me on a night out etc.
Sadly, those are pretty normal experiences for young women.

But it somehow felt even more violating to have my wheelchair grabbed like that?
Both times these men came up behind me and spun me around so I was facing this random man instead of the friends I was dancing with.

Can’t even say it’s the same as someone pushing your chair without asking
”because they just wanted to help”.
That’s obviously also never okay and it feels very violating.
But this felt worse because these men didn’t wanna help me, these men wanted to dance with me and thought they could just grab me.

I was so caught off guard when it happened, my friends were so understanding and asked if they should confront the men.
I just said ”no it’s okay” I didn’t wanna make a big deal out of it.

But looking back I’m thinking I should have alerted the club security.
Maybe not asked to have the men kicked out right away, but had security with me to go and talk to them.
Wether you’re grabbing a woman’s waist or her wheelchair, you need to ask first.
”Do you wanna dance with me?”
It’s as simple as that.
You can’t just come up behind people and grab them. That’s never gonna be okay and honestly, maybe these men deserved to just be kicked out.

I’ve only been out to nightlife events as handful of times since becoming a wheelchair user but this is the first time something like that has happened.

I won’t let this put me off from going out with friends again, but I kinda wanna be better prepared for what to do next time.

So, what should I do in a situation like this? What would you do in a situation like this?

Anyone who’s dealt with pressure sores and probably primarily people with full sensation in the butt-region, how was the pain like before the pressure sore actually developed?
Before any skin redness and any identifiable signs of an actual sore in the area.
What did the pain feel like, and any other signs noticed before any physical signs were visible on the skin?

I’m gonna try to summarize this as much as possible, summarizing is something I’m famously bad at and I’ll most likely fail.

I’ve had multiple bouts of severe burning pain at my left sit bone.
I had to self-fund a second hand cushion (had only been used once) that’s almost identical to a roho, but from another brand.
My healthcare team keeps dismissing the risk of a pressure injury because I’m ambulatory, even tho I’m spending 80-90% of my time awake sitting down.

No skin redness tho, just feels like my skin is actually on fire and the pain doesn’t stop when I stand up or lay down on my side, it just keeps fucking burning.

The pain initially got better after spending 2 weeks mostly in bed and slowly increasing time seated on the roho-like cushion.
Then two days ago, I was able to try a new cushion for my new wheelchair.
It was supposed to be a pressure relieving cushion and I only spent about 15 minutes sitting on it, but the pain immediately returned with a vengeance.
I could not sit down at all for the rest of that day without being completely overwhelmed by pain.
I had plans tonight but the pain is still so bad I’m not able to sit for more than 5 minutes at a time without it becoming unbearable.

And I did switch back to my roho-like cushion as soon as I got home with my new chair.

Considering how bad this pain is (I’ve had lots of different injuries throughout my life and I can only compare this pain to actual burning of the skin, or a severe road rash) I’m rather worried it’s something that could easily develop into a pressure injury even tho my healthcare team deems it unlikely.

Any thoughts, feelings, opinions, personal experiences to share?
I appreciate every type of comment, this burning-ass-pain is such an awful and isolating experience, anything to distract my brain from it is helpful!