Am I tripping?
I (23 M) had a mentor tell me I have autism (he has AuDHD) a few years ago and since then I’ve been reframing shit I gone through and currently go through. I also went to a psychologist who very reluctantly told me I was autistic because I kept badgering him (bro literally kept trying to gaslight me despite me clearly showing symptoms while telling the other psychologists at the office the personal stuff I told him/basically doing what NTs do to autistic people) and I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid. It definitely helps but is incredibly isolating so I wanted to make this post to see if I’m tripping and also provide some sort of support for anyone else going through the same things. I joined the military almost two years ago and although I’m a good leader, person, am in better shape than I’ve ever been before, etc the social aspect is fucked to the ends of the earth.
Here’s somethings that have happened and for reference I’m conventionally handsome and getting to the point where I’m swole (I bulked from 152 Ibs to 180 Ibs):
- I’ll initiate an interaction or someone will come to me but when I make eye contact they’ll look away quick af, look down, etc and then not make eye contact for the entire conversation and then make a parting shot when they get far enough away from me
- Every job before the military and even in the military, it starts off decent and then suddenly everything implodes and everyone just decides to hate me even though I don’t talk much
- Constantly get people telling me and telling other people I’m gay (not asking) with 100% confidence and no evidence. Some of the people who do this have seen me with a girlfriend before or have seen me actively pursue women. Even had a gay dude try to set me up in a group setting by getting me drunk to see if I’d choose between him or a girl
- Gay or DL allegations (I’m not homophobic, shoutout to LGBTQ+ 🫡) somehow get to the point where the people spreading them actively sabotage my relationships with women. But with people who have those same allegations + actual evidence, they get a free pass and no one cares
- Constantly get insinuations with 100% confidence that I’m lying about whatever I’m saying
- Constantly get passive aggression or hostility from people for no reason
- Sometimes I’ll talk to people and they’ll have this confused look on their face or look at me like I have 3 heads
- Sometimes I’ll talk to people and their eyes will get really wide
- Sometimes people will initiate an interaction with me and as soon as I say one word the light leaves their eyes
- Constantly get mobbed to the point where it seems like NTs are some sort of hive mind and they intuitively know that I have been excluded or ostracized
- This extremely weird shit where I’ll just be myself but my romantic relationships with women or friendships with men turn into them tearing me down behind my back while also mirroring me, getting extremely attached to me, etc then when I separate myself they won’t leave me alone
- I dated this girl for 2 months and she got the same tattoo as me that I had for 3 years before meeting her AFTER she did me wrong several times behind my back (told people I have autism and they were mocking me)
- I was friends with this dude and bro kept telling people I’m gay but he dirty macked me in front of this girl that was feeling me after he got friendzoned. Then when I cut him off he immediately got a bad migraine and threw up profusely
- I get women that are attracted to me but they oscillate between ostracizing me and doing shit like they have a crush on me (body language shit)
- Sometimes have people who claim to hate me or dislike me monitoring me, following me places, watching me, etc
- I’ll be talking to someone and they’ll just walk off
- Depending on how good I sleep and eat, how well I’m masking either makes or breaks my day. If I’m masking good, it’s chill. But once I’m not masking good everyone hates me without me having even said a word yet
- I took the RAADS-R test and got a 162
Anyone else experience this? Am I tripping? Is it uncanny valley? Thin Slicing? Any theories would be appreciated and are welcome.