u/DonutFriend7

So, my background is that I’m coming out of very toxic Catholic groups, and I’m deconstructing and reconstructing my faith.
In doing so, I’ve come to reject ECT (either in favor of annihilationism, or universalism more likely), I believe in the importance of social liberation, support of LGBTQ individuals (as a queer person myself), and women’s ordination.

These beliefs of mine would incline me to join the ELCA. However, coming from these toxic, almost culty, groups, I have a lot of scrupulosity concerning my sins, and my salvation. I’ve attended at both an elca and LCMS parish, and at the LCMS parish, the gospel was pounded into every song, prayer, and sentence of the sermon. It filled me with hope and peace as a result of this constant reminder of the mercy of God.

But, at the elca, there was no such sermon. Jesus’ death for sinners was not mentioned once. We didn’t even recite the creed. The entire sermon was about social liberation. Which I think is good, but certainly not to the exclusion of the spiritual aspects of the gospel.

I know that there isn’t a perfect church, and I don’t expect to find a perfect parish. But I’m unsure of which would be best to attend spiritually. Either I’d attend an elca parish that I agree with more, and I’d be accepted into more, while also not being fed the Gospel; or I’d attend an LCMS church that I absolutely disagree with on a lot of things, but still be fed the gospel.

I (18m) have a massive crush on this girl (18f). Me and her dated through 7th grade and deep into 8th grade. When we dated, religion rarely got brought up.

In 8th grade we broke up. It was nothing bad about our relationship; it happened more so because of family problems, and we broke up to ease some of that pressure.

Well, in 9th and 10th grade, we almost rekindled a relationship. But she told me that me and her disagree about the trinity. This led to me being confused. She told me that she believes that the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are all one. This confused me more, because as a Trinitarian, this is also what I believe. Well, I eventually came to understand our differences, and that her and her family attend a oneness Pentecostal church.

I immediately became worried for her salvation, and I wanted to convert her and her family and her congregation. So I tried to convince her using argumentation. But she blocked me. Undoubtedly, her blocking me fueled my victim complex. And me trying to change her mind also probably fueled any persecution complex she had.

Over the past few years, I tried dating other girls. It was just never the same as with her. I never felt for another girl the way I feel for her. And it’s such a pure love too. I just want to be around her. Loving her makes me want to never lust. Loving her makes me want to never sin again so I can be a good husband for her someday.

As it is, me and her mom spoke the other day. Her mom told me that if her daughter was willing to speak with me, she’s okay with it. But her mom also told me that if I try to change her mind about oneness theology, anything between me and her would be over. Me and her mom are planing to read through the New Testament together, and hopefully reach a consensus on the issue of Trinitarianism/modalism.

I then reached out to this girl again. Me and her have been talking. And I’ll admit, I haven’t felt this giddy in a long time.

I’m conflicted. Is modalism a damnable issue? I love this girl so much, and I can’t imagine loving another girl anywhere near as much as I love this girl. But I also don’t want to risk having my kids be raised as oneness, being baptized only in the name of Jesus.

What I’m doing now: I’m pursuing a relationship with her. And I’m not worrying about tomorrow, as our Lord tells us. I plan on perhaps dating for a year or two before ever mentioning anything to her about it?

I’m new to the elca. But I must ask from likeminded, somewhat progressive Lutherans, what is our view of modalists? Can they be saved? Is it prudent to marry a modalist?