pisay as a normal kid
useless rant incoming
i’d say na normal student lang ako. walang espesyal sakin in terms of academics. grade ko sa math palaging 2.50 or lower at nagremovals na rin ako sa math nung grade 7. atleast right know, mga gwa ko is ranging from 1.55-1.71. di ko masasabi na at some point, mawawala yung pressure at masasanay ka kasi hindi totoo. my grades are not something that defines me, which is a phrase i’ve heard over and over again lalo na’t sa magulang ko. in fairness, they do not put too much pressure on me, but masaklap pa rin na sabihan ko silang may substandard nanaman ako.
it does not get better, and maybe i will learn to live with it. maybe i will learn to live with being the “dumb friend” siguro. lahat ng kaibigan ko nag-dl, except for me. lagi nalang ako yung nahuhuli. i hope na whoever relates to this post realizes that what they are feeling is no joke din. i’ve had so many fantasies about k/lling myself/su1cidal ideation and had many talks na rin with the guidance counselor and i’m afraid it hasn’t gotten much better for me haha.
i just wish i was passionate about something. i wish it didnt take me x10 more effort than my friends to study and still get mediocre grades. wish i didnt have to lie to my friends and my family about my grades para di nila isipin na t@nga ako or masyado akong vulnerable or weak para sa school na to. i wish i was special. i wish na matalino ako at hindi ko kinukumpara sarili ko sa mga kaibigan ko. andami kong panalangin at ang gusto ko lang ang hindi maramdaman na nagiisa lang ako na walang pagasa xd.
ang hirap mo mahalin pisay haha ggs