Family and Friends Friday - Hula Hoop

It's Family and Friends Friday!

If you have ever attended a Family and Friends meeting, either online or in person, you have probably heard a participant talk about the Hula Hoop tool.

We use it to imagine that we have a Hula Hoop around our waist, and in that Hula Hoop are all the things that we can control - our thoughts, our wishes, our actions... Outside our Hula Hoop, and therefore out of our control, are the thoughts, wishes and actions of everyone else. You can find a nice list of what is in/out of our Hula Hoop on page 81 of the F&F handbook.

So why is this is useful to us as Family and Friends? We can use it to remind ourselves that our Loved One's actions are not in our control - our Loved One's addictive behavior and recovery are in their own Hula Hoop and are not in ours. So when we want to charge in there, telling our Loved One what they "should" do, or when we want to jump in and fix our Loved One's issues, we might ask ourselves, "Is it in my Hula Hoop?" The answer is often "NO!"

Would you like to share a time when you used the Hula Hoop? Was it helpful? We'd love to hear from you.

u/DougieAndChloe — 6 days ago

▲ 4 r/SMARTFamilyFriends

Family and Friends Friday - Cost Benefit Analysis

It's Family and Friends Friday!

We often have difficult decisions to make as Family and Friends: whether to go to pick up our LO when they are in their behavior/drug of choice; whether to sit them down and confront them about their behavior; whether to give them money when they have run out of theirs; or whether to clean up their mess after they have been in their addictive behavior.

One way we can deal with these difficult decisions is by using the Cost Benefit Analysis.

Imagine that I am wondering whether to keep cleaning up my Loved One's mess. I first list all the reasons I can for why cleaning up is helpful (I like a clean house; other people in the family don't see the mess). Then I list all the reasons I can for why cleaning up is not helpful (I end up feeling resentful; Loved One doesn't see the natural consequences of their addictive behavior). Finally, I list the pros and then the cons of NOT cleaning up my LO's messes.

I can then decide if each of the reasons I have listed has a long-term or short-term influence on the situation. The Cost Benefit Analysis can be printed out and we can refer to it from time to time - to encourage us when we are wondering why we made a specific decision.

Would you like to share about a time when you used the Cost Benefit Analysis? Was it helpful for you?

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u/DougieAndChloe — 20 days ago

▲ 3 r/SMARTFamilyFriends

Family and Friends Friday - Self-Care

It's Family and Friends Friday!

As Family and Friends, we can always find a reason not to take that walk, not to eat healthily, or not to spend time with supportive people. Our reasons might be that we feel guilty taking care of ourselves when our Loved One is so unhappy; or we don't have the time or energy because we are too busy focusing on our Loved One; or maybe we have got out of the habit of doing anything positive for ourselves.

When we do start to take care of ourselves we might find that: we actually have a little bit more energy than we did before; our Loved One might see our new behaviors as a positive model; and we might feel better about ourselves because we are becoming a more rounded person, instead of a person fixated on the behaviors of our Loved One.

Here is a link to a list of ideas for Self-Care. No doubt you can think of many more ideas.

What are you going to do for yourself today? Let us know your plans and how it went.

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u/DougieAndChloe — 1 month ago