Last night I was humbled, emotional wounds were ripped open and I feel like I've set my healing back.
I'm not really sure why I'm making this post, I think I just to need to "vocalise" how I'm feeling right now.
My now ex and I moved apart 3 months ago; just over 14 years after we entered each others lives. I've been slowly getting less emotional and starting to feel ok - I'm not ok now.
I started with a really nice trip, comfortable in my own space listening to music. I'm not quite sure where it flipped, but I started thinking about her and tried to examine how to undo the damage that relationship did to me.
I ended up thinking more, and then started looking at the emotional damage I caused, and unfortunately I realise that I caused an awful lot too - we both damaged each other, and fed back into a toxic negativity that ultimately spiralled us both into a deep depression.
In that I realised that it's probably best for me to embrace being alone for the future; I don't want to cause that kind of emotional harm again. I'm struggling with that thought... I also hope she's doing well and moving forward to a happy life.