Seeking legal advice on custody modification with ex spouse being military
Location: Hummelstown PA, USA
I am a 20-year-old mother in Hummelstown, PA, seeking guidance on handling a high-conflict co-parenting situation that has escalated into legal harassment. I share a 15-month-old son (B) with my ex-husband (EX), who is a service member. We currently have a shared custody arrangement, but EX has begun using state agencies and the threat of withholding our son to retaliate against me for setting personal and legal boundaries.
The most recent conflict began just a week before Mother's Day when I formally barred EX’s girlfriend from my property following a childcare pickup where she came directly onto my porch setting my gaurd dogs off. I formally asked him twice over a week to ensure she is not present on my property during pickup (i don't care what she does off of my property). Well, Mother's day rolls arouns and she's on my porch again the day before for the holiday drop off. I let it be but messaged him again letting him know it wasn't okay. On Mother's Day, During pickup, I open the door (my mom behind me holding my son) to his girlfriend! I let him know she wasn't allowed on my property and had to leave, and closed the door. Once the door was closed I texted him and let him know I would change my son's diaper again to give him time to figure out his situation. Immediately after this, EX contacted local police after refusing to pick my son up unless she was allowed on my property (he was outside in the car and didn't want to leave her in the car as he felt it was 'dangerous'. Notably, he left her in the car once the trooper arrived with no issue). Upon leaving he or his girlfriend called CPS to conduct a "welfare check" claiming during pickup I was intoxicated and my son smelled of marijuana. Now, wouldn't the police officer have said something in his report if that was true? The report was clearly retaliatory, as the caseworker found the home to be perfectly safe and closed the case as unfounded. However, EX has continued to be a thorn in my side.
The Current Conflict (BLC Training):
EX has been ordered to do military field training for his job (BLC specifically). He originally demanded that I take B for the entire duration. While I am eager to have my son, I work a full-time overnight warehouse shift in Elizabethtown. Taking B for 38 straight days requires me to secure and pay for significant additional childcare during my working hours, as well as covering 100% of his food, diapers, and medical needs for over a month with no financial assistance.
When I requested that EX provide financial support for these days—specifically only the exact days that fell under HIS childcare time, given that I am essentially covering his scheduled custody time while he is being paid for training—he refused. He has now pivoted to threatening to withhold B entirely, claiming he will leave the baby with his family members instead of giving him to me, simply because I asked for financial help. He claims I'm coercing him into sending money and he'd drop groceries off, but groceries don't pay the baby sitter!
My agreement is 50/50, 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off. He's already asked me a previous time to also watch my son outside of alloted childcare time and I made him email me about it when it occurred. In our divorce agreement the child support amount (~125-150) would be waived in an amendment where he would provide full transportation for pickups and drop offs in exchange for not providing that cash. It also did not calculate his full scope of income at all, just his base pay. I was going through a lot mentally during the divorce and he certainly tried to take advantage of it. Originally his parents paid for him to get an expensive lawyer to write our agreement up, but he tried to get me to sign away without reading. The original agreement literally left me with zero custody. HELL NO!
My Questions:
Right of First Refusal: Does PA law generally favor the biological mother over a girlfriend or extended family if the father is away for an extended military deployment/training? He claims he will "Activate" his care plan and take my son until July so his parents can watch him unless I agree to watch him for his BLC dates without financial support. I'm not military so I don't know what this means for me.
Evidence of Malice: How do I best present the timing of the property ban vs. the CPS report to a judge to establish a "bad faith" pattern? I have the case number proving a cop came out and saw zero evidence of what was claimed, and he's going out of his way to ask me to watch my son- would he do that if he felt I cared for my son under the influence?
Emergency Filing: If he refuses to hand over B for my scheduled parenting time because I won’t watch him during HIS time without financial assistance, do I have grounds for an emergency custody modification or a "Petition for Special Relief"?
Child Support: I have already filed for support; can this period of time I may be watching him beyond my agreed upon custody time be used to calculate a temporary upward modification?
Also YES I've been applying everywhere in search of pro bono representation but I'm having little to no luck. It's really upsetting. Any and all advice welcome. Much love and thank you lawyers of reddit.