Shrooms just saved my life
For over 2 decades I've been struggling with depression. No amount of therapy or antidepressants ever helped me, and suggesting that one try "mindfulness" or "meditation" has become something of an inside joke among people who know me. I learned to just try and live with it as best as I can, but after my last relationship blew up I became so much worse. I stopped trusting people and completely isolated myself. This was two years ago and things never really improved.
More recently it got to the point I couldn't even create anymore. For an artist this is basically a worse fate than death and I was desperate to find anything that could fix me even a little bit. I've always been extremely straight edged and uninterested in any kind of recreational drug. Never drank; never smoked. It was something I always took pride in, but desperation sure can make you rethink things.
I decided to try weed since it's a relatively safe option and is legal where I live. Found that I fucking hate it and decided that this route was entirely a dead end since I didn't want to risk anything potentially addictive. I started looking more specifically for a way to reset my brain and stumbled onto studies about therapeutic psilocybin. The more I researched the more convinced I became that this might be exactly what I was looking for.
So I got my hands on some shrooms and decided to try a conservative 1g dose. I figured this would be a safe place to start and that I'd only see some bright colours and wobbliness. And, I mean, I did during the come up. But something I failed to take into account is that I'm a small guy and it might hit harder than expected. Because wowee did it hit me like a freight train.
Much of it is a kaleidoscopic blur to me now but what I remember most vividly is closing my eyes and seeing these tall pale iridescent mushrooms sprouting all around me, shining like vibrant pearls. They told me, not with words but with a kind of knowing, that they were so happy I'd finally arrived and that I should not be sad when this experience was over because they would still be there waiting for me when I'm ready to return. It felt like I was being held in a warm and welcoming hug and I just started bawling like a big baby because I was so happy.
Once I came down I was pretty exhausted and slept like a rock. But since that night I've felt incredible. I can't remember the last time I've been so inspired to create or had the motivation to do even the most basic things. The thoughts and doubts that normally would drag me down and stop me from doing anything are easily shooed away like flies. I can still hardly believe these effects are real. Those funky little fungi have genuinely saved my life.