Advice for a husband
Burner account. My (M50) wife (F50) had a grade 4 glioma (not a GBM) which was discovered after an MRI. She had surgery, where most of it was removed. She's now undergoing chemoradiation therapy for the next six weeks. She's doing good. The team at the hospital are amazing, and our friends have rallied.
We've been together for nearly 30 years and she is my world. We've always done everything together all our lives, and we are facing this together. However we are now in a pressure cooker environment and sometimes what I do doesn't land right and causes her stress.
I'm managing home and work and I feel I'm stretched pretty thin, but I'm doing ok. I'm getting help myself - counselling, support group sessions, mindfulness, reading materials etc. My friends are also helping and checking in a lot. So I'm not alone.
Sometimes, things go wrong. There's times where I am overly cautious about what I say and do. Sometimes I nearly "forget" and assume she's ok when she's not. Sometimes she doesn't need me to "do" anything, but just to be there and support her emotionally.
I'm finding navigating all of this pretty hard, and things can turn on a pin and she's then really upset and it's like the worst thing in the world. I don't argue because I feel it's not right to, as I'm not the one with a brain tumour, she is. The last thing I want to do is stress her out.
Ultimately me trying to second-guess situations is making things worse, as I over-think. I always want to "solve" the problem to get back to "normal" as I get anxious in the period in between (and we usually do get past them, but every time feels like we won't).
I need to find ways to accept that a) these things will happen and b) not to try and rush smoothing things out. I get hurt when she points out the flaws and wrong things I've done or thing I'm not doing, feeling the good things I am doing are being overlooked.
So. Can I ask for any partners reading who've been in a similar position to post any advice, tips, experiences, help etc. How did you navigate all of this? Thanks.