u/Dumbfire8877

Aunt is 88, i have helped her informally over the years, taking her to appointments, getting her groceries etc. She has cancer that has been mostly well contained for five years but she had to have an eye removed in 2021. So no longer drives and her hearing is not great and she refuses to wear hearing aids.

My mom is 84, and had been mostly in good health. For the last six years she and I and one of my brothers had shared duties and tasks helping Aunty.

Three months ago my brother died unexpectedly. Since then my mom's health has really declined and i thought it was just stress and that she would bounce back. Today we heard that multiple spots were found on her brain after an MRI. Her doctor likely thinks it might be metastatic cancer, more tests a full pet scan to follow.

My remaining siblings are problematic at best. My aunt in the last month had to start a new, shorter sequence of radiation for a small lump found in her lung. She has chronic pain from arthritis. I am getting burnt out and overwhelmed. I am taking her to all her appointments she is becoming increasingly mean and insulting, humiliating to me.

I have been asking for help from my siblings. Disastrous visit from one of them in April. I have been updating them over the last few days on Mom.

One narcisstistic sister bounces between offering to pay for a ton of things then says she she needs to save on how much she can pay a home aid. But She is taking one of my nieces to france next week. And they show no signs of canceling their trip. Radio silence from one brother the other one had visited in april micromanaging mansplaining everything to me - he is just acknowledging texts and thats it.

I am in shock.

I called social services tonight to see if i could arrange a joint visit with a social worker to my aunts house (she lives alone and can feed/bathe herself) basicalky to help facilitate the convo that i will have to transition out of all these other things - there is no physical logistical way i could handle all her appointments. Mom cant drive anymore and i dont want her to be alone anymore.

Was i wrong to do that? Is this a normal thing in their wheelhouse to do? I have to taje my aunt to an appointment tomorrow and i guess im going to tell her then that someone may come with me next week to have this convo.

I think she financially could afford assistance and maybe even a nursing home but she ckearly just expected me and mom to do everything.

Any guidance/advice appreciated.

At this moment I am so tired I dont even know if I can type out all the details. Three months ago the only brother I really trusted, the only one helping, the only sibling who had shown up in six years died suddenly of a heart attack. The phrasing i keep using with my therapist is "if i was gonna pick one sibling to walk the plank, it wasnt him. Pretty much any of the others tho..." now, in his absence, now i have to deal with these... pieces of work. Every interaction i have with them makes me want to kill myself. And more than half the time i know thats their desired effect. Condesencion, micromanaging, overexplaining/changing how things run in moms house even i have been here for six years. A grown nephew, who is the son of a cousin not sibling, just came out this weekend to help and the difference was dramatic - fun, supportive, ready to do whatever needed to be done. I felt like a human again.

I honestly cant do this anymore. Any words of encouragement, thoughts on dealing with toxic siblings is appreciated.