Nanny kid problems
I think I’m about to quit my job and I want to know if I’m overreacting. A few key things about me and the position:
— I’m a mom and bring my toddler
— My price ($15/hr) is lower than the going price for an in-home nanny in my area ($20-$28/hr)
— When I started, the hours were 9:00-1/1:30
— I started nannying for the sole reason of having a consistent playmate for my son who I didn’t think would do well in daycare (this has since changed and he’ll be attending preschool in August)
— I’ve only been with them since April 1st
— my son naps every day at 2:00, hers does not nap even though they are the same age
So the family I nanny for has some pretty usual requirements like no screen time and unlike previous families I’ve nannied, actually has their home stocked well enough to not need them! Thank goodness. But over time, the requirements have been changed a little and I feel it’s gone past the point of being micromanaging.
It first started with having the hours extended some days to run over when my toddler naps. Okay cool. Except they play hard together (harder than when she’s just the only child and spending calm time with her parents) and she is *exhausted* like falling asleep slumped over in my arms tired. It doesn’t help that the house is quiet while mine is napping. The couple of times I stayed later and this happened, the mom kept reiterating that she is not allowed to nap or she doesn’t go to bed on time. (6:30) This is one of those parts that just feels like vastly different parenting styles and she’s not my kid whatever. I’ve told her that keeping her awake isn’t really an option sometimes but I do gently wake her up within 10 minutes so it doesn’t affect her nighttime routine. The last time I brought it up the mom said “she doesn’t fall asleep with us; I don’t know what to tell you. You can try taking her outside to keep her awake.”
The mom has been getting increasingly odd about her being outside. Always saying that she’s afraid of the girl overheating and how hot it is outside. Fast forward to last night when she sent a long text saying that as it’s getting hotter and the bugs are getting worse (what bugs lol), to not be outside anymore than 30 minutes and no later than 10 am (I get there at 9 am). After a lot of deliberation, I sent back a professional and kind message about how this upcoming month of June I am planned to stay later (until about 4/5pm) and I don’t believe it is possible to uphold all of her wishes with the daughter. That she be indoors and awake all day from 9-5 with no stimulation from tv or going somewhere when she is exhausted from playing. I added in that my son is also a consideration and unlike their calm only child daughter, my second child son is not an indoor cat and keeping him indoors all day goes against our parenting choices and is also extremely hard.
I understand her not needing to take my son’s well-being in consideration but considering they used to pay $1,345/mo for childcare at the preschool and now pay me an average of $540/mo for in-home care well below market value, I don’t think I’m insane to think they got a great deal. I digress.
After that text, she backpedaled a little saying “oh I’d didn’t mean outdoors at all, I meant going on walks. She can be in the backyard twice for 30 minutes but not between noon and 3:00 when it’s the hottest.” The 12-3 thing makes sense but the rest is crap imo. We sat outside and the weather was *fantastic* where we sat in the shade with a breeze but only did an hour outside and the other 3 inside. As I predicted, my son was getting into trouble way more than usual and not having a good time.
This is just starting to feel super micromanaging and not trusting me with the most basics of childcare. Why would we be outside if the weather was bad? The fact she can’t fathom that I would be able to recognize if she was getting heated or could recognize but just choose to force her daughter to stay outside is insane. I am outside with them?
Anyways, the whole point of getting this job was bc we’ve tried building relationships with other toddlers just for them to never be available and the relationship doesn’t go anywhere. Kill two birds with one stone, ya know? Have a playmate a make a few bucks! But the hassle has become more of curse than a blessing so I know I *want* to quit and we don’t need the money. The only issue is that June is the last month I was planned to be with them as she’s about to give birth and will stay home for a couple of months, after which she had floated the idea of me coming back on but there’s no chance of that. I feel really bad just leaving them high and dry but if I do two weeks it’s only two extra weeks they’d be finding someone to watch her. There’s only 16 more days I’m scheduled for over the next month but I keep thinking that’s a lot for a toddler to be cooped up inside and just be going crazy, which he will be.
The only alternative I can think of is telling them I’m happy to continue for the remainder of the agreed time but with the original agreed stipulations like being able to be outside (that still doesn’t fix the napping thing. Whatever.)
TLDR; I nanny with my toddler in tow PT at a discount for a family who have changed the job enough to no longer be a good environment for my son. I want to quit but feel guilty as she’s 8 months pregnant and this is my last month with them.