ADHD OCD PTSD BPD what can I do
So I just graduated with my bachelor’s in forensic psychology about to start my masters in general psych and then move onto a PhD in forensic psych. I want to specialize in psychopathy and sadistic individuals. But I also have complicated mental health issues of my own that i cant seem to figure out. Ive been to so many therapist and they dont want to get into the layers of my issues and i stop going and have given up. I feel like im so complicated no one will ever be able to help me. These are all of the symptoms I’ve been able compile into a list:
ADHD symptoms:
severe task paralysis/executive dysfunction
difficulty initiating boring tasks
hyperfocus on emotionally stimulating things
impulsivity
restlessness/need for stimulation
inconsistency with routines
emotional impulsivity/rejection sensitivity
Chronic mental overactivation:
racing thoughts
constant “background noise”
overanalyzing interactions
difficulty staying present
feeling chronically hypervigilant/on edge
feeling stuck in “survival mode”
OCD-style rumination:
repetitive relationship-focused thoughts
difficulty letting thoughts go
reassurance seeking
mentally replaying interactions
catastrophic interpretations when information feels unclear/incomplete
Emotional dysregulation:
very intense emotions
fast emotional escalation
difficulty calming once activated
shifting between emotional overwhelm and emotional shutdown/numbness
feeling emotionally “all or nothing”
Relationship/attachment patterns:
intense fear of abandonment/rejection
hyperfixation on closeness/reassurance
becoming emotionally consumed by relationship dynamics
sensitivity to perceived withdrawal/disinterest
oscillating between:
“I need them desperately”
and “I don’t care anymore”
Identity instability/self-concept issues:
feeling like different versions of yourself around different people
difficulty knowing who you “really” are
feeling like your personality/interests/goals shift a lot
describing myself as having “lived 20 lives”
Nervous-system dysregulation:
difficulty self-soothing
chronic tension/activation
difficulty accessing calm naturally
feeling temporarily “normal” only under certain conditions:
alcohol
hyperfocus
intense closeness
high stimulation
body doubling
Substance sensitivity:
alcohol temporarily makes you feel calm/present/socially fluid
but higher amounts can lead to emotional instability/aggression/blackouts
stimulants and caffeine affect you strongly/inconsistently
antihistamines and Buspar caused excessive tiredness
Mood-related symptoms:
periods of numbness/disconnection
periods of emotional obsession/intensity
irritability
feeling emotionally exhausted by your own brain
Anxiety-related symptoms:
chronic overthinking
social/emotional hyperawareness
anticipatory fear
difficulty tolerating uncertainty
hypervigilance toward tone/body language/behavior shifts
Interpersonal sensitivity:
feeling deeply affected by perceived criticism/rejection
needing clarity/reassurance
difficulty emotionally “letting go” after conflict
strong reactions to feeling unwanted or disconnected
Possible trauma/survival-state patterns:
nervous system constantly scanning for emotional danger
difficulty relaxing into safety
feeling emotionally safer when externally regulated by another person
I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD ADHD ANXIETY and OCD officially, I certainly feel strongly that I may have BPD (borderline) and may be on the autism spectrum, but I have found no one to take me seriously on those for assessment. I’m currently taking Ritalin, Prozac, and guanfacin, and while it helps with being able to get things done the emotional chaos has not been helped at all. It’s very annoying that I feel so normal and able to function after two drinks but all the medications I’ve tried doesn’t even come close to that feeling, I have had a drinking problem in the past due to that. I just don’t know what to do anymore I need suggestions please!!!!