(tw: r word) coping is so hard
I feel like it's hard to explain to people how traumatic aba is. I've seen all types of bad things but ABA is by far the worst.
The whole environment treats you like you're retarded, it's very hard to deal with even though I'm in honors in college. Just thinking about it hurts so much. The environment itself is not the words or anything it's just so hard to explain.
When we would cry they would put you in a room and isolate you and basically trap you there. There is a paper that talks about that form of treatment towards disabled children as a violation of their rights and it really still hurts so much.
Involuntary seclusion is the one moment(s) that have been sitting with me for a while and the fact that I was tortured. It's hard to conceptualize this and deal with it.
I was forced to make eye contact and again it's very hard to explain to people why what they did is harmful and abuse. They would get me to practice it for rewards like a dog. For years after I would make people uncomfortable with eyes contact because I really looked people directly in the eyes 24/7 which is largely socially inappropriate. Ironic but I didn't know any better.