u/Eddy_Night2468

Hi, all.

So, it all started about 8 months ago with tightness in my right pinky, then left. Now my index finger is affected, too. X-ray of right hand said heberden's nodes on the three affected fingers, and beginning of the same thing on other fingers. My CRP is normal, my urates are fine, I only have high ldl of 4.5. No erosions for now.

Next week I am starting physical therapy.

My question, as I suppose everybody else's, is will this stop or will this progress. My left pinky is already so crooked to the right I am ashamed and afraid to look.

I have no morning stiffness of hands, it's just always the same. Fingers don't yet hurt by themselves, only tight when I flex then or when my kid grabs my finger.

I am only 38. What will the future bring. The internet says the regular progression is like flare ups, then remission, then flare ups again. But internet says at 38 this is almost unheard of.

I do not do hard physical work with my hands.

I don't know what to do or think. This came out of the blue. I already have MS and epilepsy, and now polyarthrosis. At just 38.

How long until this cripples me?

I am an insomniac of over 20 years, latest regiment is 100-150 mg Trazodone and 0.5 clonazepam.

I also had a epileptic seizure ONCE 10 years ago, which lead to my driver's licence having to be renewed every 5 years.

So, I keep my insomnia hush hush from my GP, and these pills are from my private psychiatrist who helps me fight insomnia. The way it always worked in my country is that if you don't want everybody to know about a condition, be it insomnia or erectyle disfunction or whatever, you pay out of pocket for a private doctor, get a prescription that doesn't go into your medical record, and you pay for the pills yourself. It was a way to help people keep their dignity or their private life away from employers and whomever. I am not dangerous for anybody, I just need discreet help.

Now, a new law made those private prescriptions gone. Now every prescription, private or regular, has to be connected with your social security number and reported to your GP.

Long story short, all of a sudden no more Trazodone for me. No more Clonazepam for me. I started the cold turkey last night, well actually I went back to 5 mg Valium that I have officially prescribed, and nothing else.

It is a cruel thing to be followed by Big Brother with no alternative. I will now use alcohol, illegal drugs if I can get my hands on them, to get my sleep. Because I have to drive, I have to work to feed my family. I can't have insomnia on my record. So I will suffer. This is the worst news I could possibly hear.

Specifically my kind where I don't even get to nap. I haven't napped in 20 years, I just can't.

And now I'm depressed.

Of course I don't want others to suffer more, but at the same time I don't want to be suffering from the worst condition in the world, ffs.

But its explanation was clear, all other conditions get to take a break from time to time, only this one never gives you a break. You go from exhausted to exhausted, and live in a permanent hangover, on hour 50000 of a day that started years ago. That's really depressing.