A daughter in a family with a mentally-disabled child: When will I be seen?
Since young, my brother had always been in the spotlight. With constant treatments in the hospitals and visitations to the psychiatrists, my brother was a child that needed constant help. Diagnosed early with ADHD, dyslexia and anger management issues, a large proportion of the family income goes towards payment for his medication and tuition.
My parents scrimp and save to pay for his treatment, prioritising enrichment classes for him. He attends classes every week at DAS, consistently arriving 45 minutes before the stipulated start time. Though my parents nag at him, he does not seem to change. Instead, he lashes out at them, calling my parents terrible for screaming at him. Often, these end up in confrontations where he would take up the knife and threaten to hurt us or himself, using s****** as a bargaining chip.
Meanwhile, I’m just here. As a silent watcher behind the door, I can’t help but feel more distant and distant from my family each day. The conversations seem to revolve around him; getting the right help for him, counselling for him, nagging at him to go to tuition.
Is it greedy for me to beg for a scrap of attention? I feel like the walls are caving in on me each day, and sometimes, I just want to end it all. I feel like a stranger in my own skin, and an ingrate for even having such thoughts when my parents should be focusing on him, as the child that needs the “most”help.
I’m not the victim. I never was, and perhaps I will never be in the eyes of society.