Could I ask for joint effort for me to hear my intuition which is disabled due to fear?
Hi elderwitches. I’m posting on a throwaway account because my real account is connected to my email and too many people know it.
I really need some help, for the first time in a long time I have noone to turn to. I cried and stressed until I had the idea of posting here so here I go.
I have been unemployed for a year. The last place I worked at was too physical and I had muscle pains and depression so I had to quit. It’s a long story, I was humiliated and didn’t fit it. I was told that because I quit myself then the next one won’t be better (cause karma works in this way- I need to learn a lesson and I didn’t).
So for a year I was looking until a month ago I found a job in my field. They asked me to travel there (neighbour country) and immediately started training me. I was excited until on my way back to my town I got the contract - it was worse than I ever expected it to be. I started negotiating, but each email asking about salary or other points were ignored and they started making the schedule (since I would be working with others they need to organise it). Today I finally stood up for myself, asking for the salary under which I won’t work and they answered back with a new contract, bigger salary, but other issues (like I can work a do the project but of they don’t like it they don’t need to pay me, but I have to pay them if I don’t do a revision). Btw the salary is still lower than minimum wage in my country.
A part of me is feeling so guilty, like I HAVE to take it cause I need the 1000 euros, and I have to take it as it is in order to get something better in the future (to suffer my bad karma and not push it into the future) but the other half is shaking because I do not want to do it. I need to go and start the project jn 13 hours. I have’t signed the contract though.
I did eclipse ritual, I’ve prayed, I’ve meditated and tried to listen to my intuition. I don’t know what should I do. I am so afraid that I won’t find anything if I refuse. Could I ask for advice or some help so things turn out okay…either I get another offer soon (even a small one) or anything.
I want to hear my intuition but I’m so scared that all I hear is “you have to”.
Sorry for the long and hectic post, I am quite stressed atm.
And thank you for any advice and help.