Feeling like a failure
Im still extremely new to APA (this is only my 2nd season) but I still can't shake the feeling of being a complete failure at this sport.
I choke and mess everything up whenever it actually matters (playing for money or ranking or on my team) but when I practice ny myself and there's no pressure or attention I suddenly know all the shot angles and I can do trick shots easy. It makes me frustrated in myself whenever I do a cool shot because I will never be able to replicate it on purpose in an actual match where things actually matter.
It's legitimately making me consider quitting. I feel like dead weight to my apa team that's comprised of people playing for decades that are ranks above me in skill. Im almost always the youngest in the room (im 23) and Ive only been playing "competitively" for about 5 months. But I am still not good enough to be part of a team where others can rely on me pulling my weight. It feels like I will never be good enough. No matter how many hours I try to practice. No matter how hard I try to convince myself that I do have skill. That stinky smell of failure is always there to remind me that no matter how much effort I put in I will always still lose and fail and be proven wrong in my self confidence.