u/EfficientTadpole2680

HI AGAIN!!

My name is Wren. I am pretty darn sure I'm some sort of fennec fox.

It's been about a month since my first post here, and I've been feeling so much better about myself. Since then I've (painstakingly) crafted a little canine mask, gotten a little more eased into quads n' vocals, and have been tuning into myself a little more than earlier.

So, not too long ago, maybe a couple days, I had been watching a video about theriantropy, as I'm slipping back into that phase now (yayy). During the 8-minute mark of the video, as the speaker was talking, I'd began to feel tingly sensations in my arms and legs, racing down all the way to my paws. And during that sensation, my brain began to cloud up, my limbs going all twitchy. I was suspicious, and intrigued, about the mysterious creature in the box. I started swatting at it. Regular human speech suddenly became impossible, and so did two-legged walking. Glancing at my white pillow, my first urge was to tentatively sniff it- a little confused from the lack of my scent, and kind of just nuzzled my face and hair into it repeatedly. Typing this out now, I feel so weird about it, haha.

Then I began prancing around.

Pouncing repeatedly onto the pillow, taking a large leap and snagging my jaws around it (oh.. uh...), "sinking my claws" into it, growling (freakishly accurate vocalizations.. never happened before) and yipping. Stupid creature in utter state of bliss. Beat the poor thing up before getting bored, and leaping off my bed, off to cause mischief.

I trotted wonkily outside the canopy and just observed my surroundings, flinching at every loud noise and driven away from the odd, unfamiliar scents. Speaking of scents, having to rub my face against turning corners of the wall. I also was all sneaky and stuff, trying to spook my little brother. Didn't work. Shame.

My mother was in her bedroom, and I was crouched low, now, trying my best not to make a SOUND. Obviously that didn't work. When she asked what I was doing, words struggled to form in my mouth, so I just gave her a chirp and scuttled off, promptly started cackling like a mad fox. I was having the time of my life, just prancing around and observing my home, though my gait was cautious, like I'd never lived here my whole life.

Returning to my bedroom, that same tingling sensation in my paws persisted, even as I started to feel my, and I quote, "human self" trying to wake back up inside my head, genuinely wanting to return and allow myself to rest. That's what it felt like, at least. It lasted a good few minutes or so, and I felt exhausted after. I plopped down onto my side and still could not speak English unless a CONSCIOUS effort-- it felt alien, too.

If I must add, I'm naturally cautious about whomever I look at in the screen, lol. Sometimes I'll be scrolling through quad vids or regular videos, just staring like "who is this?". Tentatively getting closer, recoiling whenever they got real close to the screen, or bowing, or sniffing curiously.

So sorry if this looks like projecting; this is my very first post on Reddit before! I feel most comfortable in these threads /o\

This is super lengthy and I apologise D:

Hi! My name is Wren. I have autism, ADHD and just suck at socialness. Am a VERY questioning individual on whether or not they may be a therian, and feels wrong to associate myself as one when I don't even know if I am in the first place-- (nothing negative, I just dislike when some people refer to theriantropy as choice and stuff and don't want to fall into that category). I have problems with discerning ACTUAL theriantropy and just being impressionable and neurodivergent.

For years, of all the communities I'd thought I'd been in, I would find myself ostracized/not feeling connected, or being made fun of, constantly taken advantage of, being physically abused, and not speaking up for myself. I began to hate human contact for a small while and soon found myself in a little shining alcove called theriantropy. A kind, open-minded community with lots of people in a situation like mine where they don't know where to belong. Though I was unsure as well about that, lol.

My closest friends, ones I've known for years, are actually almost ALL otherhearted, and me, being autistic, didn't want to seem like an outcast/spectator.

Since a couple years ago I've been creating masks, doing quadrobics, engaging with other therians (sometimes-- lol) and watching a lot of content related to it! Since then I've felt closer to being a fox, even feeling sort of energy bursts/connection to meditation audios to do with fennec.

Sometimes I've tried meditation, and at one point during closing my eyes and imagining myself hunting, I could smell the scent of hare and forestry. Sometimes I get urges to howl, to gekker and yip, and to just prance around and try to "dig into the snow" (aka leaping face-first into my mattress XD), burrowing, nesting.

As a child I would mimick animalistic behaviors, and, embarrassingly enough, (though we were having the time of our LIVES), me and a super close friend would playfight (IN A CLASSROOM FULL OF OTHERS DEAR SOLRYN. And some of those people STILL are in school with me. AND THEY REMEMBER.) all the time, having animalistic interactions (hunting, uhhh uhhh uhm vocalizing) and all that. I still vocalize when feeling the urge (e.g. whining (fear/start response), growling (aggravation, fear, start), gekkering (PURE JOY, INTENSE DOPAMINE OUTLET, SUPER HYPER AND STUFF), and trilling (default/curiousity/stimming). But I fear it's not anything to do with being a therian or spiritual connection to foxes, and just a mimicking trait. I do it often, mimicking things without trying to, and since learning about certain behaviors in general, thus disrupting the "natural occurrence". I've been losing hope in being part of the otherkin community in general, and sorry if I've wasted your time. Love to therians out there and hope that those struggling find themselves <3