u/Electrical-Fix-7217

Would you read this of your own free will

this is just the starting page of a short story ive been writing i don't think this has a good reason for one to keep on reading, i could be wrong, but if i am right could you give me some tips on how i could improve it also ill be copying and pasting this from a doc i wrote it on so there wont be any indents like i originally put in

A Mother, a Child, and a Father. The Child dressed brightly, the
Mother with just grays and blacks, and the Father wearing grays,
blacks and whites. The pavement leads them step by step to a new bend
in the road while the sun assaults them with its light.
"This is surely my chance!" A nearby figure believed whilst
silently watching the family approach them. Meanwhile, The family
tries to hide under a Tree's sweeping arms. They rest for a moment
from the wrath of the sun, until a deep scraping voice pops up from
nowhere.
"Strange weather we're having! The wind is strong right now, yet
it's terribly hot. I'm glad to have somebody to talk to though! So how
has your day been, what are you doing in the park at this time-"
The Tree speaks with enjoyment as the family jolts from the unexpected
voice and looks around.
"Oh please don't be afraid! It's just me, the Tree behind you!"
"What-What the hell? What sick prank is this! Come out! You're
scaring my child!" The Father circled around the Tree and looked up
into the Tree's leaves searching for whoever was speaking.
"Oh no, this isn't a prank please don't be scared-"
The Father grabs the child, takes the mother's hand, then flees.
The Father's tense silhouette becomes smaller and smaller the closer
his family runs back to the city as the Tree calls out to them.
"What!? Come back! I thought you wanted to hide from the weather!?
People rarely come close enough
to see me speak, did I scare you!? I'mquite sorry!" But it was already too late for the Tree, for the family
had evidently ran off never to approach the tree again.
The Tree had never truly understood why humans ran from them, yes
it may have been that it was disturbing to have a tree of all things
talking to you, but that didn't mean that they couldn't still chat!
"Humans are such strange things, maybe I should try to ease them
into my being able to talk! Like making little noises! Yes! I'll try that next time!"

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u/Electrical-Fix-7217 — 7 days ago

I hope I'm doing this right lmao

I've posted on here before and this is just the first page and a half of my story and i hope ive improved it ive been working on balancing my dialogue, narrative, and action so if anyone has any pointers on if im doing well or if im doing something wrong what is it thanks!

u/Electrical-Fix-7217 — 9 days ago

Short Story I NEED Feedback on (please i beg of you)

The story is only halfway finished im at the halfway point and i'm looking for feedback it's called Personified a few days ago i got some feedback on how i should try to bring in more narrative action but i'm not quite sure how to do that and ive also been working on adding in more description into my writing so any constructive criticism would be welcome thanks!

u/Electrical-Fix-7217 — 11 days ago

It's called Personified it's only about 4000 words though im only at the halfway point i just edited it and i want more feedback on what i should edit (some things are intentional like the weird capitalization and ive been trying to include more description for the surroundings since im not all that good at description)

u/Electrical-Fix-7217 — 15 days ago