Soon to be unemployed RN, burnt out and feel trapped
Hello.
Long story short - I have 4 years of experience as an RN. I worked in a trauma ICU that had lot of death and it burnt me out, and may have given me a post traumatic stress response. I left the ICU and moved back to my home state of CA, to be closer to an elderly parent whose health is not the best, and to be closer to my friends and rest of my family. I missed them all a lot after years away. However, life is much harder for me in CA. The only RN jobs I can find are travel contracts, where the work is not always guaranteed (frequently called off or floated to other hospitals), I have no PTO or sick time, the benefits are not great. I have been applying to regular staff positions for about a year now. No interviews, hardly any responses at all.
I have 6 weeks left on this contract and then I will be looking for work again. Will there be more contracts in my local vicinity that I can obtain? I hope so for survival's sake but I'd hope more for a full time position to become available - but it is very competitive here.
I regretted my degree after how badly the ICU left me mentally, but even more so now that I cannot find stable employment in my home state. I don't want to have to leave my family again to survive. I have been looking at jobs in retail as well because of my desperation. People don't want to hire a college grad with RN experience to a retail job either it seems. It's been bleak.
I save up money from the contracts and live way below my means, mostly spending money on rent, utilities, and food. I'm able to save up enough to live for about 2 months before needing to find a contract again. I have racked up tons of credit card debt, I have medical bills, etc. I'm always just on the cusp of having to pack everything up and live in my car for a while.
Anyone else been in a similar circumstance and found their way out? I miss enjoying life and pursuing things. I used to be passionate about improving health care and serving people, now most of that passion is gone. Nursing has really broken me and I wouldn't be in the field if I could find another way to survive in CA. Any responses are appreciated.