Running in circles or just the process? What actually helped you?
I opened one hell of a door with Jed about 2-3 months ago. I've basically been doing the process full time since — writing, reading, long walks.
The early stage felt almost electric. Things started connecting — false-self, fear, desire, duality. Lots of mini eureka moments. Through autolysis I learned how desire and fear hook into the false-self, how it's all held together by belief in duality (gain/loss, good/bad, should/shouldn't). I could clarify the mind narratives associated with all these. And then... it kind of plateaued.
These days I sit down to write and I've got nothing new. It's the same old thing I already analyzed. Throughout the day, I take note of emotions (mostly desire and fear) that arise, and later sit down with them. And it's just more of the same learning I mentioned above. Some attachments keep recurring. Maybe they're dampening. Maybe they're not. Hard to tell.
So I'm genuinely asking, to anyone who's gone through something similar: What actually helped at this stage?
A few things I'm sitting with:
- Maybe the "seeing" I'm doing is too passive — just noticing, not truly destroying. There's a difference between seeing a lie and the lie actually dissolving. Is there a way to make the seeing more ruthless, more total?
- Maybe I need to go deeper into deconstruction rather than broader? I feel like I've deconstructed the surface structure, but maybe there's more underneath? Or maybe it's just Maya wants to keep fighting with it, so that it can persist? There really is no more question to be answered here because the questions themselves are within the narrative of the false-self and assumes the framework of duality. Outside duality, none of the questions make sense.
- Or maybe it really is just time. Two three months is nothing. The old conditioning is old. Maybe the only move is to trust the process and stop waiting for the next breakthrough.
I'm genuinely curious what changed things for people who were in the weeds of this — where the initial clarity had arrived but the deeper dissolution hadn't, and the whole thing just felt like circling the same drain over and over.
What broke the loop for you? Or did anything?