The soft hum of the air conditioner is the only sound in the sterile meeting room. I wait for Karl to find a seat at the table next to me before starting. A lone sheet of paper rests on the table.
“Karl, thanks for being here,” I say, looking at him. “ Let me be perfectly clear, this isn’t related to your performance. Everyone agrees that all the designs you created and implemented were delivered on time and with quality.”
Karl nods.
"You are not in a customer-facing role. " I say, still looking at him but pausing again, giving him a chance to interject, “ But we had some troubling reports that kicked off the need for this call, Karl. Meeting, I mean.”
He leans in. Gaze locked into mine. Menacingly. Inviting.
“Tell me, herald of Ill summons,” he says, weirdly putting emphasis on random words. “What is it that so confounds my colleagues? Why do they send you to conspire in their place, while staying behind like cowards? What is the charge that requires the company constable to call Karl to come?”
“Karl, it is the way you speak, you are freak” I stop myself “Making your colleagues uncomfortable. People aren't really in sync if you are doing an old-timey mysterious act, like a sphinx sort of character, ot just an overall wizard.”
“ Preposterous!” He says, raising his voice, both in sound and octaves, “Nothing weeeeeeird is afoot!” He brings his hands together, rubbing them slowly, as if trying to produce warmth. Still somewhat menacingly.
“There’s been lots of discussion on the nature of the character.” I finally break eye contact, use the moment to pretend to scribble something in a notepad. “We are all in agreement that it has a vibe that seems villainous.”
“Sire, this is how I speak. Riddle me this…”
“Karl, that’s exactly what we are talking about”- I slid the document to him- “Please do sign here where it says you have been warned.”
“A binding! I am not unfamiliar with thou trickery… This has the stench of Jessica from Accounting all over it.”
“Honestly, Karl, you can keep doing the wizzard, and you can even keep doing the old timey part, it’s just the villain undertones that make this creepy. Also, we don’t use stench in a professional setting; lots of people have complained, and you singling out one of the few women who did it, it’s not a good look.”
Karl finally deflates a bit. I wonder what got to him.
“I see…” He signs the paper