waiting until marriage worries
ok this is going to be a little niche. i grew up methodist, my family raised me well in a wonderful Christian household. i had a strong relationship with the Lord when I was young but college was rough my freshman year, but thankfully afterwards i met my now fiance in 2024. he is hard core catholic and he eventually explained enough for me to convert and i got confirmed this past easter. everything was looking great for our wedding in June. HOWEVER, because of growing up in the protestant purity culture sex is wrapped in shame and guilt. it has always and still does (even in the context of marriage) seem so dirty and gross to me. but he had a very different upbringing on sex and had always seen it as Gods gift. he understands what i feel about sex but it is just so hard to explain purity culture to him. anywho the whole point of this essay is that i am TERRIFIED AND I MEAN PETRIFIED to have sex. and the many times i have brought this up to friends and mentors and the priest they keep brushing it off and telling me i will just get over it eventually. “it will come with time.” and that is VERY frustrating to me, my feelings seem like they are being dismissed and i do not know what to do. and my fiance is so loving about this but he keep saying “well if you don’t want to have sex with me maybe i picked the wrong person” and obviously he doesn’t really mean that but i understand that this is a real hurt for him. i just do not know how to get over this fear of sex. it seems like a constant thorn in my side of anxiety. and i don’t want this worry to get our marriage off on the wrong foot. what do i even do? i have tried reading blogs and podcasts from good christian sources but nothing seems to help calm my worries. i know what to expect but it is just terrifying. and of course i can’t talk to my mom about this because i don’t think she has ever mentioned sex to me once in my life 😁