u/EmbersAsTheyBurn

I grew up with heavily critical and judgmental voices surrounding me. And we absorb that as children.

My whole life, I was my biggest verbal abuser. And it slowly and devastatingly dismantled my heart. It is not easy to come out of prolonged pain.

Still now, on a dime, when something abrupt happens, I can spew off on a cruel streak in my head, but almost immediately, that true voice inside me softens, and speaks care and calm and comfort.

And I am really grateful for that. I am grateful it feels natural to hear me cajole myself in my head: "Hey now, you did the best you could with what you got, you're doing fine! I'm proud of you."

I had to become that kind voice I needed as a kid. Hell, as a human. I'm glad that she is me.

I will be my best
My truest self
In the letters forming my name
Carved into the stone above me
Where is seated the sentry angel
Watching over my sleep
She will keep every final secret
I take to my grave
Things held back in silence
Withdrawn from hateful ears
Every note when my voice fell
And broke like a beautiful wave
Crashing against walls
In a room too small to hold it
She will share it all
With the marble sky
Drawn as a veil that blankets us
To keep us safe, in eternal company
My name
The angel
And the sky big enough to hold my voice -
Unspoken, unheard, unwanted
When silence finally becomes peace

I wish I was the book
Pulled often from the shelf
In eagerness to read
To be held, in soft hands
Fingering the spine, familiar
In gentleness
To crack and fall open
With a sigh
And a lick of your finger
To lightly caress
Each fine page
Encouraging them to turn
And reveal themselves to you
The words inside, to be consumed
I wish I was
A story you loved
You wrote your name inside
Laying claim
To keep as yours
Forever

You live and learn. Grateful for chances given that allow for effort and work and determination.

Grateful for the ways I deliver or don't, and seeing the results of each that give me invaluable insight every time.

Grateful to have another day to decide to do it differently, or stand with what I have chosen.

☀️

Also really grateful the mornings are still cool ☺️

Getting a smile and kindness when you are stressed and frazzled, or hurting.

Having someone reach out and ask if you are ok or having someone you can say you are not ok to.

A hug.

Maybe an opportunity to fix something or chip away at it, or a moment where a path forward seems clear, and you get a little surge of hope that it might be getting a little better.

Those moments are like getting rest and relief, but also a surge and a push forward.

I'm just grateful for small graces that allow me to keep going.

She wore faded jeans and soft black leather...