u/Emergency-Art-4978

Slightly off topic, but thanks to the Italians in here (grazie mille ragazzi!), I’ve learned some, er, colourful ways to describe one’s opponents, referees, and people who leave the Maradona in the 75th minute...

However, while taking to a Nottingham Forest supporting friend about… a certain striker, it was mentioned that “he couldn’t hit a barn door from 5 yards”, and also that “he couldn’t hit a cow’s arse with a banjo”. Direct translations of these clearly won’t work, but is/are there any widely used equivalent(s)?

Thanks in advance :)