u/Emergency_Ganache227

RFF with Israel at UW Madison on May 27th - Stage 1 (Phallus Creation only)

Overall:

Everything has been going really well! I haven't had any complications (minor or major) and any swelling in my groin has really gone down. During my last post-op appointment (week 4), they removed half of my stitches, . I was instructed to keep propping (more out of caution/protocol than anything).

Arm:

Photo 4 & 5 from today, photo 6 taken 1 week ago for comparison

I can't believe how good it looks already. I had some irritated spots on my arm and they seem to be closing up quickly now. 100% of the graft took after surgery and I started physical therapy last week. I've gotten most of my flexibility of my wrist back, but strength is something I feel I have a long way to go on.

Phallus:

Photos taken today

Really really pleased with how my member looks. I'm measuring just shy of 5" and expect to gain some additional length when I'm cleared to hang more regularly based on my skin's elasticity and the flatness of the existing scar on the underside. Before surgery, I was hoping for at least 4 inches. I'm 5' 6" and have some pretty skinny wrists, so I wasn't sure what to expect. The OR team reported that I had very vascular tissue with good blood flow, so I believe that's what contributed to my size overall. I've always pictured myself slightly above average, so seeing my phallus on myself really tickles me. Not having a scrotum yet doesn't bother me due to the positioning of everything. It almost looks like I have something there, so the visual isn't distressing.

A Pleasant Surprise (the 1st post-op orgasm):

I don't have any tactile sensation yet, but I can "feel" where my natal junk is buried. The best way I can describe it is that swelling, hot, pulsing feeling you get when you're aroused. It's been pretty frustrating to feel horny and then not be able to masturbate. Right at the 5 week mark, I was pretty strongly aroused and let my imagination take me. Before surgery, I had strong "phantom" sensations, but never had a physical phallus to map them to.

I'm scared to death of disturbing anything before it's ready, so didn't touch myself at all. The sensations from my imagination alone started to build and build and I was completely surprised when it came to a head and I orgasmed. I've NEVER been able to have a hands-free orgasm before this (not for lack of trying lol).

The feeling was so affirming. My new phallus felt like an extension of the burial at the base, and it felt much more intense with stronger pulsations than anything I had felt pre-surgery. Due to the way that nerves grow, I doubt that I have much erotic sensation yet (if at all), but I'm so relieved that I haven't lost the ability to orgasm and it makes me really look forward to the day when my partner can join in on the fun.

As always, feel free to reach out or ask questions!

[pics are from today]

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I had the first stage of my RFF Phalloplasty surgery done Wednesday, May 27th by Dr. Israel and Dr. Mackenzie at UW Madison. 1st stage included taking the graft from my arm and creating the phallus, split graft from the thigh that was placed on the arm, burial and nerve hookup, and a stent was placed in the phallus that exits next to my natal urethra to create and maintain a tunnel for Stage 2 for the UL.

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My partner has been my main caretaker after my hospital stay concluded. I was worried about adjusting once we got home. After 6 days of being checked in on around the clock and access to immediate services if anything went wrong, the hard, tedious, and monotonous work of recovery was suddenly being placed on both of our shoulders. I found myself ready to go home and wondering if my body was truly ready to handle the next steps.

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Complications are a common part of this surgery, and every time I dreamed it was a different horror story of my phallus falling off and being rushed to the emergency room only to be faced with doctors that looked as if all was lost. Luckily, those started to become less frequent after the first few days home

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I didn't realize how important my wife's full commitment to being a caretaker would be, but watching her arrange all my pills into a giant organizer, handle the high protein diet, do all the grocery shopping and cleaning and yard care on top of helping me shower and do my daily dressing changes and so much more took me aback. I don't know how I'd be able to get through my days without her. She's taken on a massive amount of work that's allowed me to recover as well as possible.

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I've been able to keep my spirits high by looking forward to small things; the release of a new episode of a TV show, a friend's upcoming visit, my daily shower, the anticipation of new nerve zaps and developing sensation. The days can sometimes feel like they drag, but then I remember how nice it is to have the luxury of time again.

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Coming up to my first post-up appointment this morning, I wondered if despite all our hard work that we'd get a "gold star" from the PA. While my healing's gone well, it's not been perfect. I have an area of irritation on my arm graft that is raw. They took too much from my thigh and had to lay part off the split thickness graft back down. It's been slow to heal.

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I also didn't realize how much I needed this appointment to calm my nerves. My incisions are healing ahead of schedule. I've been given permission to hang the phallus for 5 minutes at a time for 3 times a day. I can let my arm be exposed to the air for an extended amount of time; small wins and a feeling that things are moving forward. I'm not stuck in limbo and standing still outside space and time.

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I love the way my penis looks, even this early into my recovery, and I'm so thankful that I took that first step with a Trans health Psychologist 2 years ago to get here. I'm starting to recognize myself in the mirror. I no longer have any anxiety about being seen naked.

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And when it does get hard, because it inevitably will get hard either due to a complication or hitting the post operative depression wall, I know I can turn to my support team and remember that this, too, is part of the journey.

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I've wanted to be right here where I am since I was 16 years old. 19 years later it happened, and even the pain and the uncomfortableness of my body on my worst days feels like a joyous and electric middle finger that screams "I'm finally here. Despite it all, I'm here".

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