Reading Hegel….. I’m reading Hegel; wait, now I am watching cartoons while smoking weed…. First American Dad…. now Sesame Street….. God- what is happening to me? All I want to do now is watch Sex and the City and eat Zebra Cakes. Vanity….. I am losing my vanity; Don’t…. care….. how I look…. Goo- No! Snap out of it! Goo- No! Must…. continue……. reading……… books! Fuck it! Goo goo ga ga!
You just gotta!
I’m gay and am extremely attracted to the male form but find myself constantly loathing the boyish antics of straight guys. In other homosexuals, I can tolerate a little tomfoolery but to see another straight man- usually way more attractive than me- engaging in playful behavior makes me seethe. How dare he be so confident in his body that he concoct his face into this variety of different facial forms and maneuver his voice into sounding jubilant like a child’s? I just can’t handle boyishness anymore. On Tiktok, which is making me into more of a misanthrope each time I use it, I constantly see these disgusting videos of men playing video games and sucking on their little petulant thumbs and the caption will be something like: “Playing prime Fortnite at my beautiful wife’s housewarming.” Newsflash milquetoast fægs: Video games are for little babies! I also hate when a straight guy films a video of himself talking into a camera because it can only remind me just how uncomfortable I am in my own skin that a version of human that is- most definitely- 100x less vain than I is comfortable enough to bare himself for the world to see and pick apart freely. Today I saw a video of some college guy working a job as a carpenter- with a bare face and veiny arms- and the video ends with him lamenting on his day while sipping a Red Bull. He says words like “bro” a lot and I just can’t handle this sort of thing anymore. Then another was some sexy guy flexing in the mirror in front of his family saying he “mogs” them and again I just can’t handle these dork internet terms becoming such staples that even hot guys are using them freely and without reprieve. It’s all getting to be too much for my brain to handle. Basically the gist of this is I can’t handle these little boys anymore
It freaks me out that we have so many holes that make the insides of our bodies susceptible to outside environments. I can handle the thought of our bodies being opened up by a sword or dagger or something but the idea that my mouth and asshole are so privy to the outside world startles me. When I breathe air it goes to my lungs, when I am penetrated by a man it goes to my guts. It’s unnatural for bodies to be this way. This is why the greeks created statues with genitalia showing: they wanted to present an alternate reality than the one we are in to God. A vagina can be closed and admired without the need to be penetrated. A mouth can be permanently shut and the profile can be admired at its best angle. Holes ruin everything.