u/Environmental_Ant_56

Hi gay bros. I know open relationships and sharing your man is a touchy one but I was looking for some advice on a recent adventure me and my partner had.

For context, we are both late 20s conventionally attractive men who started dating about 2.5 years ago as a monogamous couple. It’s definitely my longest and most successful relationship that will likely lead to an engagement in the spring.

That said, after long talks and discussions, we wanted to spice up an already amazing sex life. A cherry on top if you will. We set rules and boundaries and a safe word. So we went to the first bathhouse together in a different city. We had fun, but I couldn’t get hard at all. Like nada. He on the other hand was having a blast. We left after about 5 hours and I felt like crap about not getting hard. I know I was in my head a lot.

The next day we talk and land on maybe we’ll try it again.

3 months later (now) we decided to go to steamworks. Ngl, I was pumped this time. I had a couple blue chews, refined our rules and boundaries, and I thought we were set. But during that latest rule conversation, he mentioned wanting to basically not have rules. More of a do whatever you’re into. I was not interested in that whatsoever. So that cooked in my head a little prior to leaving.

Then on the walk there, we were talking about how we met and some other things. He mentions how if he wasn’t with me, he’d likely of ended up with another brown guy (im white). Didn’t know that but okay, cool, add it to the brain cook!

Now we are there, I feel nervous like last time, but the blue chew is really doing its job. So my anxiety quickly fades as a realize my piece is actually functional. We had a solid 3 hours of fun. Mostly us getting sucked off by others and reciprocating and doing stuff to each other infront of people. Then towards the end, he clicks with a really, and I mean really, attractive brown guy. I was like hell yea score. So we go to a different area and they just kinda went at it. I just sorta watched and stroked the occasional guy that came up to watch. The way they were positioned (69) in a corner seat of the room, I couldn’t really get in there. Dudes didn’t even come up for air.

After about 10 minutes, I just got hit with a rush of anger, jealously, sadness, and then rage all of sudden. I locked eyes with him and he looked back at the guy and went back to it so I just walked away briefly (like 10-15 steps away). After standing there for about 5 minutes my partner comes up behind me and asks if I’m ok. I say I’m not sure so he asks for us to go back to the hot tubs. I agree.

We go back to the hot tubs and the tool that would’ve knocked an eye out 30 minutes ago is so far shriveled up inside me. I asked to leave. He wanted to do one more lap but I pushed and we went back to the locker changed and left.

Bros, I couldn’t look at him for a day. Like he was trying to have sex so bad when we got home and every time I looked at his face I wanted to vom. I was cold and avoidant the entire evening until the next day. I wasn’t being fair to him honestly.

NOW, all that said, I fully know I’m the problem here. My mind isn’t kind to me sometimes. My partner didn’t do anything wrong and was acting completely within the boundaries we set. I fucked up by not using the safe word either.

We talked about it after a day of silence (from me). I know my mind wasn’t being logical right after we left, and if I tried to dissect it with him in that moment, I would’ve been too irrational and emotionally charged.

But ultimately after I figured out the words to say, I told him basically everything I wrote up above. He asked if it’s possible that we would ever do it again and I said it’s incredibly unlikely and I would like to turn off monogam-ish mode basically indefinitely. He didn’t hesitate to agree and said that is fine and he’s always been satisfied with just me.

But now I feel guilty like I took something away from him. Also, there were times I had fun too! And if I’m being honest, I really wanted to like it. I’m a freak and love sex. I just never navigated a sex club scenario with a partner before. I just seem to get so caught up in my own head.

So bros, any advice? Would you say to just stop playing with fire before I actually do burn myself or is it worth it to keep trying in the future?

Hey everyone

I recently moved to Rogers Park and I’m looking to build a friend group of my own here in Chicago.

I’m a 29-year-old gay guy in a committed relationship (so this is strictly platonic). My boyfriend already has a lot of friends in the city from growing up here, and while I’ve met some of them, I’d really like to make connections and build friendships that are my own too.

I’m especially interested in meeting other gay guys who are looking for actual friendships. I’d love to find people to explore the city with, check out events, try new restaurants, hit up street festivals, join hobby groups, take day trips, or just grab coffee and talk about life.

A little about me:
Recently moved to Chicago
Work in retail management
Big dog lover
Into personal growth, psychology, business, and random deep conversations
Always down to try something new if it gets me out of the apartment and meeting people

I’m also open to recommendations for:
Volunteer opportunities
Board game groups
Running/walking clubs
Trivia nights
Any other activities where people actually get to know each other over time

If you’re in a similar spot and looking for friends, feel free to comment or send me a message.
Thanks!