In night my mind does still wander,
The gate of ethos and apocryphon,
Blue hues in circles, some
Call out with names, others
Can't be bothered.
The binding of Isaac, the hand
Of host contends,
All those angels,
falling before Jerusalem.
As lot met the three strangers, and weaped
Into leaven.
To summon the water, short
Of Elephants, short
Of Edoms repentence.
All those Angels, falling before Jerusalem.
Hey all. My psyciatrist suspected this year I had temporal lobe epilepsy. I had a generalized seizure two weeks after he wanted to put me back on meds. I was on anticonvulsants for years until a neuro ruled things out on an ambulatory EEG. Its like looking for a ghost.
During my psychotic episodes Ive always developed an intense religious focus. I'm worried the psyciatrist and neurologists will never agree on my condition.
The neurologists never seem to find classic neuromotor symptoms. The psyciatist plays with darts in the dark. I was put on an antipsychotic which sprialled me into full blown gambling addiction and intense weight gain. Im on both an antipsychotic and anticonvulsant now, my addictions are controlled - I managed to quit them.
I feel horribly alone at times. I do have some good friendships which keep me motivated to keep going, I have a job. But relationships are very challanging. I feel like an alien. Sometimes I see pathological elements in my illness.
On top of this journey, I learned im very impulsive and I enjoy uncontrolled risks. I want to take up amateur boxing, because I think some controlled risk would be positive - but im worried ill never get carded due to my history.
So here I am ranting. I should look on the positive side of things I suppose.