Back in Grade 12, I was in a relationship with a girl for about six months. During that time, she often made double-meaning and inappropriate jokes with me. She told me that she felt so safe with me that she could imagine sleeping beside me even 10 years later, and she talked about how we would convince our parents for an inter-caste marriage (I’m Nepali-Bihari, by the way).
She also told me not to use slurs or abusive language, and I changed my behavior around her because of that. At the same time, she used to disrespect my best friend because of his caste. Whenever he taunted her back, I would end up fighting him for her. Ironically, she also made jokes about my caste and ethnicity, calling me “momo” and making casteist remarks toward me too.
I noticed that she never disrespected my tall friend the same way, which made me feel insecure, though I guess I tried to cope with it.
After around two months, she suddenly told me that she had a crush on a guy from her school while I was with her in coaching classes. She said she wanted to “try” with him first, and if he rejected her, she would come back to me. She proposed to him, got rejected, and then came back to me afterward.
Whenever he was around, she completely ignored me and told me not to tell him about our relationship. She would get angry when I used slurs jokingly with my friends, but when he used them, she didn’t react at all. She constantly compared me to him and made me feel inferior.