u/EvilLizardLawyer

Today feels weird. Like I know so much progress has been made, and I am definitely better for it. Most of the time I like who I see in the mirror. But there is this disconnect with most people around me. I feel so alien. Like genuinely I feel like a non-human entity in most people's eyes. Everyone is so devoid of compassion and empathy, its like the complete opposite of what I am and stand for. And on top of that I had that disconnect that most of us feel between my body and mind/soul. Everything about me feels so alien. Maybe the mothership will come back for me soon...

I constantly hear people say "oh i figured that out when I was in highschool" or "i spent a lot of my childhood discovering myself"

It seems so many, if not the majority of people, had a lot of self actualization and self discovery in their teens, and meanwhile I was just moving through the motions of life unaware of everything.

It took me until 23 to start experimenting with myself and my identity. TWENTY FUCKING THREE.

I never once had a moment of real internal questioning up until fairly recently and I feel so fucking late...

And i know "better late than never" but god its still so irritating that it took me this long. I feel so slow. Genuinely could there be something wrong with my brain?

What I mean by that is, I was severely overweight like three years ago so I decided to finally take matters into my own hands and lose the weight. I had no personality, no goals, and never wanted to look at myself in the mirror which led to major bodily neglect. I went to the gym relentlessly and lost over a hundred pounds. By the end of it, I was extraordinarily proud of how far I went, and basically became a swole gym bro and even started growing lots more body hair. Once I got there, and asked myself "what's next?" I realized how genuinely lost I still was...

Then through experimentation of more masculine things, I finally realized that none of it ever resonates with me. I just couldn't find anything of substance or importance in masculinity. So finally then I began experimenting with typical feminine things and the rest is history 🩷

What about yall?